A Human's Touch || BillFord (Gravity Falls)

Burning Memories

TW- SH implication

[Fiddleford POV]:

As much as I didn't want to, I can't deny what I saw. That one eyed demon is a monster, and Ford will probably die doing all this work, but if I can't save him or the world, maybe I can save myself. I've been working on something in private for a while, but I didn't know if it would be useful. It's supposed to be a tool that erases memories. I wanted to stop myself, I wanted to tell Ford how I really felt about him, and some things I didn't want to forget.. but in the pain of the moment I left it all, only taking my banjo and a couple other things with me. I got in my car and started the rest of my life.
I couldn't sleep most nights, I kept thinking about what I had done. That monster.. it would devour anyone that got in the way of his goals.. what I saw on the other side.. he split a human open and consumed their skeleton.. it was gorey and violent, and when he noticed me he reached for my hair to do the same to me. For him it seemed like eating bones was normal. He's eat them teeth and all. He especially enjoyed the teeth.
There's so much I wish I could tell Ford, so much I wish I could say. He's going to die because of what we've done, he's going to die in that stupid jacket! I know I can't save him. I really wanted to, if there's anything I could've done with would've saved him, if I could go back and save us I would. We're going to die and there's nothing I can do. I can't just watch this. I'm not strong like him, and I guess that makes me a little counterproductive. There's so much I wish I could tell him, but I'm only useful if I help build things for him, but if I have nothing to fix and the end of the world is coming, I don't wanna be around to watch. I'm not brave enough to die, but there might be an alternative..
Originally I presented the idea to him years ago but he said it wasn't good, but if I'm not good enough for Ford anyway I might as well, right?
After everything I've done, everything we've been through, I guess it was for nothing. God I'm so useless, maybe it really would be better if I wasn't around or, wasn't myself.
I just wanna be good enough.. I've messed up so much. Or is Ford's pride part of the problem? Regardless there's nothing I can do now. I'm sorry EmmaMae, and my son.. I'm so sorry.
I finished the build for memory gun.
At first I might've been meaning to use it a bit selfishly, but.. the time's come to test it. I'll record this in a special series of cylinder tapes, Test subject one.. Fiddleford McGucket.

I blast the volt of electricity and light into my brain and hope for the best. I could feel a slight burning sensation, then.. peace. I couldn't even remember why I was sad. It must've worked! I'll continue documenting as I work more with it. Maybe I can't exactly save them from what's coming, but maybe I can help them forget. I won't be useless anymore. I can be good for something.
I wish EmmaMae understood why this line of work is so important to me, I could fix everything if only I could explain this to her.. I miss her so much, she was right about everything. I should've stayed with her, if I hadn't picked up that phone maybe we'd.. no I can't, I can't exactly blame Ford, it's all my fault. I just wanna be good enough for someone. I've ruined everything. Ford hates me, Em probably resents me for everything with Ford, my son barely knows me. All I've done is screw up. I can't keep torturing myself. My shoulders are so sore. I was doing good, I thought collage would be the last time. Even my own family knew I worry too much. I've destroyed everything and blood isn't fixing it anymore.
I stand up and dust myself off, doing to try and erase my regrets once more... Three, two.. one..
The heat of it fizzes as it blast my brain. I take deep breaths beginning to relax again. At least with this I'll be able to finally let God of some old habits. I'm.. I'm doing a healthier thing, right? I mean.. I've done something useful.. it's what's best, what Ford might want. Things begin to blur and burn but, I miss him. I don't know if I'm ready to forget him yet.
Speaking of memories, I should make a checklist or somethin Incase the invention has any side effects, I'm sure it's not severe but it's nice to be on the safe side.
I wonder if the memory gun could even erase people. Its, hard to tell though.

Even if I lost a lot, at least I have my own place again, Ford forgets to shower a lot so it's nice I don't have to deal with that anymore. He can be so obsessed with his work, and I know in collage he was a bit like that but, it's almost like it's gotten worse over the years, like he's been more.. influenced or, enabled. He'll see I'm not just a screw up.. I'll save people, I'll create an organization to carry this on for years to come! But what to call it.. a society that wouldn't bat an eye over the cryptids and curiosities of this town.. The Society of the Blind Eye. Perfect! It's genius! I should probably hit the hay soon but, I can't wait to save them. I can't wait for everyone to start respecting me, maybe not in a fame way but, in a human way. Heh, Ain't nothin like a Human's Touch, or so after all.
Emma would get it..
I miss you.

A/N

AAAAA this chapter was kinda rushed I hope it doesn't suck, have a good night guys!!

Beware spelling mistakes and autocorrect bc my phone hates me

—Lund