A Human's Touch || BillFord (Gravity Falls)

Torn

[Ford POV]:

I felt a mix of guilt and pride by Fiddleford leaving. I struggled to sleep that night, I actually ended up sleeping in his bed. It still smelled like him. Even the photo of our first year in collage was torn. I'm a scientist, I can't get caught up in this petty stuff, can I? Maybe I should speak to my Muse. Maybe I should've told him about my Muse.. I could maybe try writing a letter, if he isn't in the motel he might be living in one of the houses Mr. Corduroy builds. There's no way Fiddleford's wife would take him back after whatever that portal did to him, and over spending so much time with me in the first place. If I didn't know any better, it was almost like he loved me, but that's just tension because of his complicated situation with his ex wife, right? I mean me, dating? And him? I guess I've always wondered about same sex relationships, but, no.. it can't be. I'm just overthinking it, mg Muse will make this all go away or make sense, I'm sure of it.
My Muse is a bit complicated though, he just disappears without warning sometimes and I don't see him for weeks or months on end.. and he shows up like it doesn't matter. Maybe I need to convince him to stay, there's gotta be something I do, no matter how humiliating or.. strange.
That one time.. had to have been a dream.. but he was there when I woke up.. I never expected something as simple as a partner ship would end up like this. This is something I should probably take to my grave, Stanley would never let me live it down and God, what would mom and dad think? My Muse isn't even human! I mean at least he's not anything worse but, Uhg I should just stop thinking about it.
Its simply a work based relationship, he's just my Muse, with.. occasional benefits to his or my own liking, mostly his if I had to guess.
On the original topic though, losing Fiddleford had took a large toll on me, which I didn't expect actually. I found myself getting sick everytime I thought too much about it, staying in bed for hours on end despite not being tired, so anxious I'd dig my nails into my arms and skin. I can't be losing my mind over this can I? He's a collage friend, he was bound to disappear in the end anyway. Why do I feel so terrible, I didn't do anything wrong, my Muse would tell me if I was, right?
This has to all be in his plans, maybe he took Fiddleford away because he wanted to help me. Maybe all this is good for me, right?

"Well, you're half right" a firmilair voice answered to my frantic overthinking. I jumped nearly falling out of bed. "Fid— I mean, Cipher?" I replied. He smiles and pulls me closer with his cane. "Miss me?" He smiles. "Well, um. Yes but" I tried to back away, I wasn't feeling up to any romantic interactions right now. He picked up on it. "Hey, why the long face sweetheart? Miss that hick already? Was he more fun than me?" He folds his arms over his chest. "I- um" I didn't know what to reply with. Is he jealous? "If you like instruments, I can play the fancy ones! I can play piano, I can do anything for you Fordsy" He snaps his fingers and plays some sort of magic keyboard to the tune We'll Meet Again by Vera Lynn. "I appreciate the flattery, but I'm not in the mood, Cipher" I mumbled. He makes the keyboard disappear into blue flame, the nothing. "Hey, chin up Sixer. That hillbilly was holding you back ya see. With anxiety like that we was gonna snap one day anyways, a genius like you doesn't need that, besides, you have the best partner in all realities right here! Me!" He smiles with his hands on my shoulders and moves closer. He hugs me and kisses my cheek, then begins to stroke my hair. As strange as it was, at least he was trying to comfort me. "You really think I'm a genius?" I felt stupid to ask, but my stomach churned, I didn't know how to view myself anymore over the events of the past few days. "of course, doll. You know this is just like one of my favorite phrases, bad things happen to good people" Cipher smirks. "What?" I inquire. "Well, Fiddleford was always a bit of a nutcase, the fact the stars aligned just to throw him on you like that must be some kind of omen. If anything, him finally leaving is a good thing, one of the first good things for you as far as I can tell" He explains. "You.. you really think so?" I ask. I wanted to argue but, he's one of the smartest beings in the universe, maybe he's right. "Of course Sweetheart, I mean I've been inside your mind, if anyone can help you know what's going on in there it's me" He hugs me again and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I blush a bit and smile, "Thanks, Cipher". He nodded. "I'm glad you feel better my sweet. By the by, have you eaten at all? You look like a zombie" He chuckles. I shrug "No I suppose I haven't" I replied. He takes my hand and leads me downstairs "Well I can't have my partner going hungry, how am I supposed to get my portal done? Something, something food for the mind, right?" He explains while pouring me some cereal. "You mean the most important meal of the day?" I ask as I begin to eat. "Sort of I guess. Knowledge is power, and that cereal gives you the power to build a gateway to the secrets of the universe, Sweetheart" He ruffled my hair. "But, I tested the portal with Fidd and whatever he saw made him go crazy, I—" I had to stop. I wanted to throw up just thinking about it. "What if something is wrong with it? Maybe I should tear it down and start over?" I suggested. He looked shocked before turning red, LITTERALLY. "If you tear down my portal I'll tear apart that hillbilly's soul, you understand?!" He yelled. I've never seen him like this, my heart pounded from the anxiety of the situation "I'm sorry my Muse, I won't tear it down I promise" I blurted out just to get him to calm back down. He faded back to his normal self. "Good" He smiled and gave me a pat on the head. Something is deeply wrong, but he's never given me any reason to fear or doubt before, it's just. He's not acting like himself anymore. Is this how Fiddleford felt? I finished my meal and rinsed the bowl. "Cipher, what's so important about that portal? I know it'll creat knowledge but, why are you so invested in it?" I ask. He turns back to face me. "You could save the world, every word. Is that not special to you?" He explains. That's the opposite of what Fiddleford said though. "What did Fiddleford see in there though? Why did you disappear earlier the day of the accident? Did you hurt him.." I began to spiral my questions at him. He gripped my shoulder tight. "The portal will save us all, if you don't believe me because of some dumb hillbilly maybe I just need to find another genius to inspire" he threatened. "Wait, I'm sorry! I got anxious, I won't question you anymore, I'm just.. hurting" I sighed. He let go of my shoulder. "Do you need someone to make you feel better?" He flirted. I almost wanted to say no but, fuck it. My life couldn't get any lower, right? I shrugged before nodding a little. He took me up to my study and I prepared for another humiliating romantic encounter with him. I think there's something wrong with me.