Kunai Beats Shuriken (K/DA Akali x Male Reader)

E13: Fog

It's 8 AM, I am tired, I am hungry, and we got bored of Mortal Kombat and switched to Burnout. Akali and I are definitely sleep deprived, and it's a familiar feeling. However, I'm in my 30s, my body starts slowing down. I'm sorry to keep mentioning that I'm in my 30s, but I only do it when it's relevant. Anyway, my body slows down, so no sleep breaks me down more than a woman in her 20s with no sleep.

Y/N: Didn't you say like... t-that... you were going to do something stupid, <yes?>

Akali: Ahhh... wha?

Y/N: At 3... you were saying you'd do something dumb.

Akali: Mmmm... yeah... I'm hungry.

Y/N: Same here, do you want to get something to eat?

Akali: Let's get something to eat, wait actually...

I like to imagine I can hear the sounds of the dial-up internet service from our Kinkou monastery right this second, especially when she squints her eyes and holds her head to think.

Akali: We can... order... something to eat... Yeah, I'm going to do that, DoorDash has got me for sure... I need... egg...

Maybe I'm not as broken down as I thought.

Y/N: Order... egg, or whatever you want, get the same for me, I'll eat it.

Akali: No wait... Seraphine has eggs.

Y/N: We will make eggs.

Akali: Me make... egg.

She starts giggling and then rolls off the bed and onto the floor. She cackles and then shoots up to her feet, then hobbles to the staircase. I follow her up the stairs and into the living room. While she's in the kitchen, I sit at the dining table.

Y/N: Akali, wait a minute... d-do you know how to cook?

Akali: Uhhh... Kai'Sa would usually cook... but I heard eggs were easy. I was gonna throw the rice in there somewhere too.

Y/N: Maybe... let me cook?

Akali: Wow, you're picking up the new gen lingo already... *YAWN!*

Y/N: No, literally, step aside and let me cook.

In my haziness, I stand up, coming over to the stove as she's actively making a mess. She starts burning the eggs almost immediately and it catches fire. We're very fortunate the smoke alarm didn't go off, if this place even has those, now I wonder...

RIGHT, I immediately step in and push her aside, putting out the fire with the towel that was sitting on the oven handle.

Akali: Ugh... Y/N... you burnt the eggs!

Y/N: Nuh-uh... you did...

Akali: What'd the eggs do to you? Y-you gave them the beating...

Y/N: I had to... on fire...

Akali: Nuh-uh...

Y/N: Yes... just order breakfast from somewhere while I clean...

Akali: Okay... you're the best, by the way.

Y/N: The best at what?

Akali: Iunno... Tee-hee...

As I continue frying my mind by performing even the most basic of cleaning, I finally finish up what I was doing, and then plop down on the couch in the living room. Akali ordered a whole breakfast feast from a cafe on her DoorDash, totaling at around 80 dollars plus a tip.

Akali: Y/N... I got the food...

Y/N: Hmmm... mmmm...

I can't hold out any longer, my body is forcing itself to shut down. I drift off and nap for about an hour until I hear a ring on the doorbell, and the smell of baked goods. They smell similar to that of a sweet pork bun or super fresh dorayaki.