Lights, Camera, Action [N.H]

16

hey lol so ive actually only JUST realised that Niall's stage entrance is different to what I've been describing!!! (when i had my show in Melbourne there was no curtain, so he made his ~big reveal~ through smoke instead, so that's what I've been picturing the entire time lol) so that may explain it if any of you were confused where the idea came from!! song of the chapter is 'Consume' by Chase Atlantic, peep the polaroids for some hints for the chapter ;)

Smoke escaping between my lips, this was my third cigarette since the tour started. I kept using the excuse that I was homesick, but honestly I was worried I was picking up a habit. In a satin nightgown, I sat outside enjoying the view from the small balcony of my hotel room. Alone. Claire asked if I wanted to hang out, but I was exhausted and adjusting to packing my bags every alternate day just to do the whole process again. Liking it and being exhausted from it came and went in waves, I was coming down with this wave.

I kept finding excuses to engage in things I wouldn't normally do; it felt like the right choice considering my life had brought me here. I was acting different, but it seemed to make me slot in easier with the crew and people around me.

I was smoking more, drinking more, I felt a bit like a lost cause when I put it all in a slightly different perspective. Maybe I should start clubbing, stripping or having meaningless sex. It felt like I was doing a lot of things I usually wouldn't, playing games with the devil felt like a fun idea in theory. My phone vibrated from the table next to me and pulled me from the unhelpful and intrusive thoughts, it lit up in the darkness of the balcony.

Claire: u doing alright?

I told her I wasn't in the mood for company, I had nothing against her, but I felt too tired to hold a conversation. I had work building up from home already, I left my laptop open and unoccupied inside because I couldn't seem to focus on Nolan's shitty writing when I had so many other things that gave me joy that I could do instead. I responded so she wouldn't worry.

Daphne: all good babe, promise x

Daphne: I just have wrk to do xxx

I sighed, wishing I could relate to how she felt. So confident and sure, she fit right into this fast pace.

Claire: need company?

Claire: also boooooo 👎🏻

Claire: work sucks !! !

I giggled. She knew how to make me feel better, even if it was a fraction of my mood. I had unread texts from Ashlee, I should respond to them, but I didn't want her to think I was in a bad mood, or ungrateful. God, she would kill me if I wasn't at the happiest I'd ever been considering how much of a big deal this job was.

Daphne: tell me abt it ugh

Claire: lmk when ur done. well pop champagne x

Daphne: ur turning me into an alcoholic x

Claire: happy to have someone else on board xxx

I put my phone down, then heard a knock at the door. I butt the cigarette slightly to the black wired balcony railing, remnants crushed into ashes and blowing away with the wind. I left the tiny remainder between my fingers, I was ready to tell Claire I seriously needed to work, even though I had no intention of doing so. She had this impression that my remote job from home wasn't as important as this one, and by association didn't need to get done. I had to keep reminding her that it was definitely a requirement, not a polite request from my boss. That unfortunately I had things to do in my off time, sometimes. As if I were scolding her, or telling a toddler they had to wait until after dinner for dessert. Sometimes it annoyed her, other times she brushed it off. I think it depended on her mood, and how desperate she was to leave the apartment.