Lights, Camera, Action [N.H]

37

heres a short chapter for everybody, hope you're still enjoying it! i wanted to get it out ASAP so i havent actually edited it, so apologies for any errors! x

Months later I found myself sitting in my own disappointment. Silent disappointment. I'd been looking for new work for weeks, applying anywhere that seemed suitable, but nothing.

Losing my job felt like a slap in the face, the world imploding on me, and my life falling apart all at once. I'd managed to hide it from everyone important and within my immediate vicinity, including Niall.

After dropping the 'L' bomb and us falling deeper every single day, I felt despicable to hide this from him — but I couldn't bring myself to tell him, either. I was a failure. A job I'd had for years, that did nothing but keep me afloat, I couldn't hold it down. It was so easy a fifth grader with decent reading and grammar skills could probably do it. They'd do it bad, but hey, so did Nolan.

I wondered about other people at the company like him — did he get fired too? I don't know what answer would make me feel better.

Scrolling through emails, desperately looking at job applications in hopes that someone would finally just take a chance on me. All the work I'd been doing for Niall over the course of his tour was fantastic, I had already learned so much more that I could have being cooped up at my desk back home. But the main issue was there just wasn't work like that out there. So few job opportunities, the few that were available I was basically competing with the best. I hadn't networked myself properly, another factor that just added to my pile of self-deprecating failure.

I would never say it out loud, but I wondered what my life would look like if I hadn't said yes to Madeline all those months ago. Over a year of touring, I could barely remember what my life was like before all of this. Maybe I'd still be employed, or maybe they would have shipped me off to a mental asylum because of how mind-numbingly boring my routine became.

Watching Niall and pulling my eyes from my laptop, I bit my lip in contemplation.

Don't be fucking greedy, Daphne. You have so much more than you could have ever asked for.

I tried to tell myself. To convince myself that this was better than before. It objectively, and truthfully was. But now, I couldn't stack everything up right now and look at it with grateful eyes.

Ruthless online bullying.

Getting lost in a mosh pit on my first day.

Death threats.

Being drugged and hospitalised.

A hot tear pricked the corner of my eye as I read another generic rejection email. It was my second from just today, and probably my 50th in the past few weeks. The blow wasn't getting any softer, and with every rejection I became angrier. More desperate. Scared.

Dear Daphne,

Thankyou for taking the time to apply for the role at Modern Lens and sharing your portfolio and application with us. After careful consideration of all applications, we have decided at this time to move forward with another candidate whose background and experience we more closely align with at this time.

We truly appreciate your interest in joining our team and the effort you have taken to craft your portfolio. We encourage you to apply for another position within Modern Lens as your skills may be an excellent fit for another role.

We wish you the very best in your career journey and future endeavours.

Kindly,

Chantelle at Modern Lens.