Considering the impact of diet on physical, mental, and aesthetic well-being, the author sought to create a comprehensive picture of Dietetics - the art of living - through four books. However, as he wrote, it became clear that something important w...
What we are researching: What is the reason for the thirst for approval from others?
What's new: What is the feeling behind the thirst for approval and why is it difficult to identify?
What we will learn: What does the feeling of a "monster" mean and how do we identify it?
1. If you think well of yourself, why do you need someone else to think well of you (Litvak M. 2013) [1].
2. The thirst for approval. A huge number of people thirst for approval from others. This becomes obvious by the number of people demonstrating themselves in different images on social networks. In this case, this thirst is an indicator of the requirements of the human psyche. Just like satisfying the physical need for food or drink, it is also important to satisfy it. This contributes to a balanced state of the human psyche and health.
3. The reason for the thirst for approval. The feeling of thirst for approval from others is a consequence of mental processes occurring deep in the soul. The reason is that a person does not recognize himself as good enough and therefore wants others to recognize his dignity. Therefore, the psychologist's conclusion given in the epigraph is logical.
4. What prevents you from thinking well of yourself? Live stories from the lives of girls and medical studies of teenagers indicate that they did not think well of themselves (III fr. 6. 5, 6; 7. 6). And many millions of girls, boys, women, and men suffering from anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating disorder (psychogenic overeating) all over the world testify to the mental cause of their diseases. Doctors do a lot to help these unfortunate people return to a healthy life. However, until a person himself understands the causes of these diseases, it will be difficult for doctors or anyone else to help them. A very powerful feeling lies at the basis of not recognizing oneself as good. Just as a chameleon changes the color of its body depending on the environment, so the feeling of a monster disguises itself as our supposed desire to take care of ourselves. However, this feeling is aimed at the internal destruction of the human psyche, not at its creation (IV fr. 6. 18). Having destroyed the harmony of the psyche, this powerful feeling deprives a human of the meaning and strength to live, which in advanced cases leads to suicide (II 13. 4–6). Therefore, it is important to identify the feeling that some girls and boys experience in all its destructive power and, as a result, call it an "inner monster".
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5. Identify the feeling of a "monster". Knowing what a chameleon looks like will make it easier for a person to spot it. How does this feeling manifest itself in a person's behavior? The tendency to constantly judge oneself, to be overly sensitive to the opinions of others, the tendency to take offense, to compare oneself with others, to be demanding, cruel, and harsh towards oneself. Such an attitude toward oneself contributes to the emergence of feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, tension, irritation, anger, and aggression. These manifestations of the feeling of a "monster" are too unpleasant for the consciousness to perceive them as one's own, so they are repressed from it. Repressed from consciousness, they are no longer recognized by a person. As a result of the process of repression, the feeling of a "monster" is masked and is now difficult to identify [2]. In this case, under certain circumstances, this feeling can manifest itself.
6. Manifestations of the feeling of a "monster". When the signs of this feeling are not recognized, a person does not see the above-mentioned actions in his behavior. If someone points them out from the outside, a well-mannered person tries to restrain them with the help of constant control. Therefore, outwardly a person may appear forgiving, gentle, compliant, understanding, and sympathetic. But deep inside there is an invisible struggle between a person's psychological immunity* and the feeling of a "monster" trying to destroy it [3]. Periodically, psychological immunity can weaken for various reasons, and then the above-mentioned signs of the feeling of a "monster" can break through to the outside. Then a person begins to fight its external manifestations – irritability, outbursts of anger, and aggression, not realizing that this is only a consequence, not a cause. As a result, a vicious cycle arises from constant attempts to control one's behavior. The more a person tries to restrain himself, the more likely he is to break down. The only way to break this self-torturing circle is to separate the feeling of a "monster" from its disguise.
* Psychological immunity is a mental formation that ensures a state of psychological well-being and psychological safety [3].
7. Separate the feeling of "monster" from its disguise. Let's imagine a figurative picture in which you are an observer. A person constantly tells his friend that he cares about him. However, at each meeting, after words of concern, he begins to psychically torment - accuse, judge, humiliate, call a freak, a loser, and wish harm to his friend. Moreover, he physically wants to destroy his friend, depriving him of the opportunity to satisfy his physiological needs for food, rest, and sleep. He sets a goal to torture his friend to such an extent that he will want to kill himself, just to get rid of such suffering. How can you describe the feeling that this person has for his friend? No matter how this person disguises his words and actions with a smile, a calm voice, or restrained gestures, any honest observer could undoubtedly define this feeling as hatred. It is hard for us to believe that a person can hate himself so much, but the living stories of people who have experienced feelings of hatred towards themselves are clear proof of the power of this inner "monster" (IV fr. 6. 8-11). Fortunately, not all people who show themselves in different images on social networks have gone so far. However, some started with this (III fr. 6. 7-9).
8. Summary. The other side of the thirst for approval is hidden in self-loathing. Self-love begins with identifying and separating the feeling of hatred "monster" from its disguise - deceptive "caring" for a person.
How does self-loathing develop into self-hatred? The answer is in the next chapter.
Next Chapter: The origins of self-hatred
What we are exploring: How do the reformist ideas of Calvin and Luther affect us today?
What's new: What, according to Calvin, is the greatest vice and why?
What we will learn: What contributes to the development of self-hatred and how to avoid it?
References
1. Mikhail Litvak. The Sperm Principle: - Rostov n / D.: Phoenix, 2013. - 512 p.
2. Introduction to Psychology. Atkinson RL, Atkinson RS, Smith EE, Bem DJ, and others. trans. from English. - M .: 2003 - 672 p. (Series "Psychological Encyclopedia"). Rita L. Atkinson, Richard C. Atkinson, Edward E. Smith, Daryl J. Bem, Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. "Hilgard's Introduction to Psychology. History, Theory, Research, and Applications", 13th ed., 2000.
3. Moskalenko, GV and Zelinskaya, IA (2019). The concept of psychological immunity in domestic psychology. Russian Psychological Journal, 76(3), 33-44. doi: 10.21702/gr.2019.3.3
