Eternal Echoes

Chapter Ninety-Four: Michaella's Breaking Point

Michaella's POV

I sat alone after getting home from the cafe, staring blankly at the typewriter in front of me, the same typewriter that had once felt like an extension of my soul. Words had always flowed from me, through me, as though they were woven into the very fabric of who I was. But today, they stuck to the roof of my mouth, heavy and unspeakable.

I had no idea how I ended up here. No... I did know. I had let it all happen. Let it fester. Let it spiral. Let every unresolved feeling tangle into a mess I couldn't even recognize. And now, sitting here, drowning in my own mind, I realized I was angry. Furious, even.

At myself.

I pressed my hands to my face, feeling the weight of it all come crashing down. The rain outside felt like a cruel joke, the kind of weather Gabrielle would've loved. He always said rain felt like a fresh start, like nature washing away the past. I let out a bitter laugh.

What past are you even talking about, Michaella? I scolded myself. What fresh start? You haven't let go of anything. Not Gabrielle, not the pain, not the confusion.

I pushed away from the desk, standing so abruptly that my chair clattered to the floor. I didn't even care. It felt like my heart was too big for my chest, like the emotions had grown claws and were tearing at my insides.

"How did I let this happen?!" The words exploded out of me, harsh and broken, filling the empty space around me.

Gabrielle's name lingered at the edge of every thought, and Alex's persistent voice echoed through my mind. What are you doing, Michaella? The question repeated itself, over and over, but I had no answer.

I had no idea what I was doing anymore.

I clenched my fists, staring at the reflection of myself in the rain-streaked window. I looked small. Weak. Like someone I didn't recognize.

"You're pathetic," I spat at my reflection. "You let him—" I couldn't even say Gabrielle's name aloud, as if giving it voice would tear open wounds I wasn't ready to feel. "You let him walk all over you. He left you. He made his choice. And here you are, still waiting. Still hoping for... what? For some miracle?"

I slammed my hand against the window, the dull pain grounding me for a moment. "You keep playing this game. You let Alex in, but only halfway. You keep Ethan around, but for what? You're afraid of hurting him, but you've already hurt him. You've already hurt yourself."

Tears pricked at my eyes, but I refused to cry. No. Not again. Crying wasn't going to save me from this mess. Crying wouldn't change the fact that I was running in circles, trapped by my own indecision.

"You need to choose, Michaella. You have to choose."

I took a deep breath, feeling my chest constrict. It was like a heavy weight pressed down on me, crushing every ounce of resolve I had left. I felt like a fraud—paralyzed by the very love I used to believe in so fiercely.

"Gabrielle isn't here," I whispered, voice breaking. "He's not coming back. And even if he did... would you take him back?" I closed my eyes, trying to imagine it. The fantasy of him holding me again, kissing me under the rain, telling me it was all a mistake, that we could be happy again. But no matter how much I tried to picture it, the vision dissolved into nothing.

Because it wasn't real. It was never real. He left. He's gone. He's moved on.

I grabbed the cross hanging around my neck, clutching it like a lifeline. "God, why can't I just let him go?" My voice cracked, a sob threatening to tear from my throat. "Why am I holding on to someone who let me go so easily?"

I sank to the floor, curling up against the cold tiles. I wanted to feel the numbness. I wanted to be numb to it all. But every memory, every lingering touch, every whispered promise haunted me, refusing to be silenced.

"I love him..." I whispered, so softly that it barely felt real. "But what does that mean anymore? What is love if it leaves you empty?"

And Alex... God, what was I doing with Alex? I kept telling myself that I hadn't decided, but wasn't that the decision? Keeping him in this limbo, dangling him by a thread while I figured out my own mess?

"That's not fair," I said aloud. "Not to him. Not to anyone." I felt the guilt eat at me, sharp and unrelenting. Alex deserves better. He deserves someone who's ready to love him fully, not someone who's still clinging to the ghost of another man.

"I can't keep doing this," I whispered. My voice sounded foreign to me, like I was hearing it from somewhere far away. "I can't keep pretending like I have all the time in the world to decide. I'm hurting people... I'm hurting myself."

The truth hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me.

This is my fault. All of it.

I had let myself get stuck in the past, trapped between two worlds, unwilling to let go but too afraid to move forward. I had let the fear of being alone paralyze me, and now, I was paying the price.

I wiped the tears from my face, standing shakily. "No more," I said, voice steadying. "No more running in circles. No more waiting for something that's never going to happen."

I stared at the reflection in the window again. I wasn't that broken girl anymore. I couldn't be. I wouldn't let myself be. Gabrielle was gone. And I had to accept that.

"But I don't have to do it today," I told myself quietly. The weight of everything was still too much. But I could feel the tiniest spark of resolve burning within me, like the faintest glimmer of dawn after a long, endless night.

"I'll figure this out," I whispered, pressing my hand to my heart. "One step at a time."

The storm outside raged on, but for the first time in a long time, I felt something like peace begin to settle within me.

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I'm crying :(

Are you?