The Day I Found You |Ongoing

Forty-Three: I Love Her, Now I Lost Her

Nathaniel's room was filled with smoke and smelled like alcohol. 

He doesn't remember when was the last time he didn't have a cigarette in his hands since she left. 

It's been a month, he is still where she left him. Even though he's the one who broke up. 

He ached to go to her, to see her. But he has done enough damage to their relationship. 

It's just a month but it feels like years. His eyes ached to see her, his heart felt more like dead meat. 

Smoking and drinking alcohol made him forget about her for a little while. But as days pass by it feels impossible for him to forget her. Even while drunk he still sees her. 

He sees her in his dreams, he sees her in every woman his eyes fall upon. 

Every woman made him remember her, seeing someone smile made him remember her, seeing someone similar to her made him remember her. 

He misses her in every aspect of his life. 

Without her he is a dead man walking. 

His hands ached to pick his phone up and see her face. Hear her, admire her...

Nathaniel got up and made his way towards the kitchen. 

He wanted to drown and stop his mind from torturing him. Alcohol made him forget everything, he wanted to forget everything. 

Nathaniel groaned when he found none, he was out of stock. He immediately got up and went towards his room and took his wallet from the table. 

There was barely some amount for two, but still there. For him it was enough.

He didn't waste any time and left his apartment. 

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Nathaniel walked his way towards his apartment, his head buzzing from all the drinks he had. 

He scratches his overgrown beard in irrigation as he walks, he runs his hand over his long hairs as he limps his way.

He didn't lift his head up, fearing to see her in every woman who crossed him. He can't take it anymore; it feels like dying every time he imagines her. 

He wants her. No, he needs her. Without her he's no one. 

Suddenly Nathaniel bumped into someone's shoulder making him stumble, the bottles of beer fell from his hands. 

He growls in anger, looking up to yell at the person but stops when he sees him. 

"I'm sor- oh! Nathaniel?" Jason smiles. 

Nathaniel didn't reply to him and stared at him coldly. 

"You...you look so different, man. I didn't recognise you for a moment." He tells him. 

Nathaniel just nodded and looked down at the broken shards of glass. It felt awkward to meet him. 

"So, How are you? It's been months since we talked. I was hoping to meet you, man. I... I heard what happened to your girlfriend... After everything... I just hope for the best for you two, she's so strong and stronger than anyone, I am glad you are with her because she needs you the most at this time." He tells him, keeping his hand on his shoulder. 

Nathaniel kept mum. 

Jason's eyes fell on the broken shards bear bottles, he frowned. 

"I-I am sorry, man. I should have seen where I'm going. How about I buy them for you?" He asked. 

Nathaniel angered at his request. He didn't want anyone to buy him anything. 

Who does he think of himself!? 

Fucking rich people and their ways to treat people. 

I fucking hate them. 

He didn't say anything to jason. He just wants to get away from him as soon as he can. 

"Nathaniel? Are you listening? Nathan!? Nathani-."

"Can you just shut up!!!! Just fucking leave me alone!! I don't need your fucking advice, you're no one to give me an advice." He yelled at him.

There was silence between them. Jason just stared at him, not expecting such an outburst from him.  

Nathaniel glared at him angrily. 

Jason opened his mouth but no words came out he cleared his throat and looked away before looking back at him. 

"Okay then, I think I should leave. Take care of yourself and Aria's, Nathan, she's an amazing girl I hope you know that..." He said. 

Hearing her name made Nathaniel all vulnerable, he swallowed the lump formed in his throat. He missed her, just hearing her name made him want to cry. 

Nathaniel slowly nodded his head at him Jason gave him a smile before he left. 

Nathaniel stood there with his thoughts slowly killing him. 

What am I doing?

She's an amazing person who deserves every happiness and he is an asshole who didn't give her anything and left her like a coward. 

He left her and now she will realize what a fucking coward he is, he was never good for her. He realized he never made her happy. He just made her sad, sad all the time. She always cried because of him, he made her cry all the time. He never thought to become a better man for her he needed her and when he had her his ego took her away. 

He never thought to become a better man for her. 

He would kill for her, he would do anything for her but still...he didn't. 

He did kill for her but never did anything to make her stay. They went far away from each other a long time ago. It's just now he left her. 

She was staying because she loved him, she took every pain he gave, every tears he gave. She took every burden he threw on her. 

And now she's gone. Far away from his hold. He can't have her now. 

She'll find someone better, someone much better than him. She will kiss him the way they did, she will laugh at his jokes like she laughed at Nathaniel's, they will have sex like he had with her. He will make her happy, they'll make love together. 

Images of Aria being with someone came formed in his mind, she being with someone. 

Slowly forgetting him. 

The thought of her forgetting him made Nathaniel's heart pain. He felt like killing himself before he could ever see this. He can't, he can't even think about her being with someone else. 

If a heartbreak can kill someone then Nathaniel is dying. 

Nathaniel realized he loves her. 

He loves her, now he lost her. 

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Yeah, couldn't control myself.

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Till then, bye. Take care.