When sparks fly... [a Roman Reigns story]

25 A crack in my trust

Roman POV

A few weeks passed and I couldn't help but notice Amali's strange behavior. I kept trying unsuccessfully to shake off the thoughts and suspicions, but I didn't succeed. Her evasive behavior and her excuses, which to me always sounded like excuses and not explanations, also seemed to become more and more noticeable.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she had probably been doing this the whole time since she came back from her injury. I had just never noticed it before. Or maybe I had and I didn't think anything of it.

But ever since her stupid ex had pointed it out to me, I couldn't stop it. To think that she had secrets. That there were things she didn't want me to know.

It was as if someone had told me there was a crack in the wall and now I couldn't stop staring at the crack. In a strange way, it felt exactly like a crack. A crack in my trust.

My head was racing again so I barely paid attention to the match on the screen. It was only when the bell rang and Amali held up her successfully defended title that I came to my senses. At that moment, I also noticed how she was holding her shoulder. Concern about her health immediately mixed with all the other worries that accompanied me anyway.

God. I really love this woman, but I could hardly bear it anymore. I had to talk to her openly and hopefully she would finally silence my thoughts of what could be. If not... if she avoided me again... Then I really didn't know if there was any point in this thing between us anymore.

I left the room and made my way to her, but I kept getting held up, so it took longer than I would have liked. But eventually I found Amali. She had a large ice pack strapped to her shoulder.

"Hey baby girl... Are you okay?" I asked as I walked towards her.

I took her face between my hands and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Then I looked carefully into her eyes. Somehow she looked totally exhausted.

"Yes. I'll be fine. It was just a little botch. I just need a bath and some painkillers and I'll be as good as new. I still have some in my purse. Don't worry," she replied tiredly.

Amali put her hand on mine and stroked it gently. But I didn't believe her. Her face told me that she was in much more pain than she was letting on.

"Come on... Get freshened up and then we'll go to the hotel." I said.

"Um... yes... that's a good idea..." she replied quietly.

"What's wrong?" I wanted to know, because it sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

I hadn't expected that. I looked at her closely. It was as if I was trying to read the answer from her thoughts. But of course it wasn't as easy as I would have liked.

"Nothing at all... I'll be back soon." she said and then broke away from me.

Without saying another word, she went to her locker room. Something wasn't right here. And it was this moment that added another drop. 

Impatiently, I waited for Amali to come back. But it took so long. She kept me waiting for almost an hour before she came back to me. With a furrowed brow and a little annoyed, I was about to ask her what was going on.

But then I saw it. The traces of tears that had obviously just run down her cheeks. The redness in her eyes and the sad expression in them.

"Hey... What happened? Have you been crying?" I asked and wanted to take her in my arms.

She only returned my hug briefly. Then she picked up her suitcase and looked at me.

"I don't want to talk about it here. Actually, I don't want to talk about it at all. It's stupid." Amali replied.

I decided not to say anything for the moment. But the night wouldn't end until we had talked about it.

*****

"I know you're not in the mood to talk. But I think I have the right to know what's going on... Lately you've been leaving the room to make phone calls. And then it takes a long time for you to come back. Your mind is often elsewhere, especially after you've been alone for a few days.

What's going on, Amali? Talk to me... because at the moment I have the feeling that you're keeping secrets from me. I just want to understand." I said in our room when I couldn't stand to be silent any longer.

"You wouldn't understand. And it would probably change your view of me. It has nothing to do with us, so just let it go." she replied quietly.

"What do you mean? Nothing could change the way I look at you. I love you, you know that. But you don't seem to trust me," I said as I walked up and down the room.

"I love you too and that's one of the reasons why I don't want to burden you with it. It has to do with the last year and I'm not proud of it. And honestly... It has nothing to do with trust... It's... I'm... I'm just not ready... to talk about it." she replied almost so quietly that I could barely understand.

"That means you're hiding something from me... What could be so bad? Because it sounds to me like you're keeping things from me on purpose... because you don't trust me. I can't do that." I said, anger slowly creeping up inside me.

"Do you really expect me to trust you with my deepest, darkest secret after just a few short months? Has it occurred to you that maybe I'm just not ready? And believe me... I'm trying... I'm working on it. It's one of the reasons for the phone calls.

If you were more attentive...then you would have noticed that I feel better afterwards. I understand that you want to know... But I have to ask for your patience. Please, Roman! It's something I have to process myself first. And I need to be sure that you can handle it. Right now I have the feeling that you're not. It's going to change everything. Hell, it has changed how my own parents look at me," Amali replied.

She tried to stay calm, but she couldn't. Her voice grew louder and louder as she stood in front of me. Tears streamed down her face again.

"How do I know you'll ever be ready? All I hear is that you don't trust me. I don't want to be patient." I said hurt.

Her words hurt. Just like her secrecy. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Do you think your pushing helps? Don't you think it makes it worse?" she asked and her breathing immediately became faster.

Amali held her chest and closed her eyes before slowly sitting down on the bed.

"I just want to understand," I growled.

"You obviously don't understand anything. I can't do this." she replied quietly, jumping up and grabbing her purse and luggage before running out of the room before I had a chance to react.

The door slammed shut as I stood there petrified. What had just happened here? Was that it?