But Beautiful

part 40

When they went inside, Taehyung immediately turned to Jungkook.

"You're going to take me back to the rehab, aren't you?" he asked, voice unsteady as he blinked back tears. "You won't love me anymore, you'll break up with me."

"Taehyung," Jungkook started, shaking his head. He set the items he'd bought on the kitchen counter, taking Taehyung to sit on the couch. "Of course I'm taking you back," he continued, "but not because I don't love you anymore, or because I want to break up. I'm taking you back because you're still a patient at the facility. The reason I wanted to talk to you is because I want to know what you were thinking and how you were feeling when you didn't want to give the tool back."

"I did, though," Taehyung replied, eyebrows furrowed. He kept avoiding Jungkook's gaze, but didn't seem uneasy by their close proximity, which Jungkook was thankful for. "He scared me and I froze," he admitted, an almost guilty expression on his face.

"Was it because he reached out towards you suddenly?" Jungkook asked, arms finding their way around Taehyung, who thankfully embraced him in return. "Is that why you pulled away?"

Taehyung nodded, resting his cheek on Jungkook's shoulder, inhaling deeply at the junction of his neck.

"I have to ask," Jungkook began, one hand stroking Taehyung's back soothingly, "did you feel any desire, or urges, to do anything harmful with them?"

Shaking his head, Taehyung settled his weight entirely against Jungkook.

"You didn't think about harming yourself, or the attendant, or me?" he continued, leaning comfortably into the back of the sofa to accommodate their position.

"No," Taehyung verbalized, shaking his head once more. "I'm sorry," he whispered, breath becoming shallow and quick as he continued, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He was beginning to shudder. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," he spoke, a high whine in the back of his throat as he clung to Jungkook. "I'm so sorry, please don't be mad, I'm sorry."

"Tae, no," Jungkook replied, shocked by the onslaught of apologies Taehyung was giving, quiet whimpers with them as his body shivered and his face scrunched up, pained. "Don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for," he assured, cupping Taehyung's cheeks in his hands. "Open your eyes, look at me."

Taehyung opened his eyes, bright with tears and reflecting genuine terror. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

"No, baby," Jungkook shook his head, using his thumbs to flick the tears from his cheeks as he continued to hold his face in his hands. "What's going on, hm? What are you thinking of?"

"I'm sorry."

Jungkook took a deep breath, trying to remain as calm as possible so he didn't potentially agitate Taehyung further. "Are you with me?" he asked, looking directly into Taehyung's eyes. The man nodded, blinking several times before his breathing deepened a bit. "What's going on? What are you thinking about? Feeling?"

"You're disappointed, I messed up, you're going to hurt me, or throw me away," Taehyung got out between each breath he desperately swallowed. "Y-you, you can hit me, but please don't throw me away. I don't want to do this again," he whined, voice cracking with his plea. "I don't want to be thrown away, I don't want you to be mad at me. I'll shut up forever, do anything you want, I'll be good," he continued, hiccuping as he began hyperventilating once more. "I won't tell anyone, I won't, I won't be bad, I'll stop crying, I'll stop," he continued, sniffing harshly as he began to gasp.

"Calm down," Jungkook urged, shushing him gently between his words. "Just relax, Taehyung. Calm down, I'm not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you or throwing you away. You're not bad, you're good. You're so good, Tae, I never want you to apologize for anything. You don't have to shut up, I don't want you to," he continued, his words seemingly soothing the other. "I would never hit you, would never hurt you, I would never want you to apologize, never want you to shut up, I would be so sad if you stopped talking to me. I want you to know, okay, that you're fine, you're good. You're not bad at all. You're good," he repeated, noticing the affect the repeated assurances was having on the other. I don't know what inside he's projecting, or what experience he's reliving, but I hate everyone who treated him in a way that he has this type of response to a stressful situation for him, he thought, cursing in his head.