But Beautiful

part 30

“Orange,” Jungkook said as he crouched beside Taehyung at the easel. “You’re using a lot of colors in this one,” he added. Taehyung was painting in manic streaks, coloring the canvas in shades of red, orange, green, and yellow. At this point, the whole canvas was colored and he tossed his paintbrush aside carelessly. “It’s really nice,” Jungkook commented, watching the other man uncap black acrylic and add it to his palette. Taehyung swiped his fingers through the mess on the wooden board he had long dumped his paint on, dragging them over the canvas and added smudges of black against the warm background. “How are you doing?” he asked gently, turning to look at the man, hoping to meet his eyes.

Taehyung shrugged a shoulder, still staring at the easel with no particular expression.

“I was hoping we could talk,” Jungkook said, about to touch his shoulder before stopping suddenly, “is it alright if I touch you?”

The other man wiped his nose, a smear of ashy oranges adding to the splatters of paint already gracing his golden skin. Jungkook took a deep breath, rubbing Taehyung’s shoulder

“Do you feel like talking to me?” Jungkook asked, smiling a little at the amount of paint he was beginning to notice that covered the other.

Again, Taehyung shrugged.

“You’ve made a mess,” the resident laughed, nudging him cutely. “Paint on your face, hands, clothes. There’s even some on your feet, look,” he continued, gesturing to one of the man’s socks that was dotted with was looked like paint drops that had fallen from the water cup. “Can we talk before you clean up and have dinner, or do you want to wait until after?”

Taehyung looked at him, a frown causing his eyebrows to furrow. He picked up his notebook, which had been right at his hip, and opened it to a page with words already written. Jungkook took it in his hands, beginning to read with a quiet hum.

Jungkookie, I’m sorry.

I’ve been so stupid and selfish and have made things really hard for you. You don’t deserve my attitude as much as I don’t deserve anything. You are nothing but nice and kind and helpful, and you make me feel like there’s something of substance in my days that used to bleed together without purpose. I want you to keep being my doctor because nobody touches my body the way you do, and even when it hurts it’s not bad because it’s helping me. I want to get stronger so we can go for more walks and see more things, if you want. I’ll try not to make things harder for you by being how I’ve been. I won’t touch you, kiss you, hug you, or anything else that you might find inappropriate or unethical or whatever you’re feeling about me or us or this or whatever! And if you don’t want to go somewhere with me again that’s okay too. I don’t deserve it. Thanks for being so nice to me Jungkookie. Nobody has ever been so nice. Not even Mrs. Park.

Jungkook thought of the name, to see if it rang a bell, before remembering it was the name of his social worker from years ago.

But you have my full permission to do whatever you think is best if I step out of line. You can hit me or scold me or lock me to a bed but please don’t ignore me and stop talking to me. That will be the worst punishment and I can’t endure that.

Turn the page →

Flipping the page with a heavy heart, Jungkook continued to read.

As much as I like you and want you, I know my actions have been bad and I know there are consequences. So after thinking about it, I’d rather have you continue to treat me because I don’t want anyone else to touch me. I know it’s likely in the future if I’m still here I’ll have to deal with other people, because you’re going to get your license and most probably leave the rehab, but while I have you here I’d like to continue gaining strength. If I’m around still after you get your license, I want to congratulate you because you’re really a good doctor.