But Beautiful

part 21

“I’m glad you were writing,” Jungkook said as they sat down, Taehyung sliding a bottle of juice towards him from across the table. “Especially since you seemed to have something you wanted to get out so urgently. Are you alright, Tae?”

The patient nodded, handing him an apple and offering his notebook, eyes still on the tray in front of him.

“Do you want me to read what you’ve written?” Jungkook asked, surprised. Taehyung nodded, the resident mimicking the movement before taking the spiral-bound book from him. “Are you sure?” Taehyung nodded once again, beginning to eat as Jungkook laid the notebook down in front of him, opening the cover and reading the wall of text on the front page. Taehyung’s handwriting was rather messy, but he made no mistake in grammar or spelling at all. Beginning to read, he focused entirely on the words.

Jungkookie, hi. Thank you for getting me this notebook, I can write my thoughts and feelings in here and then share it with you. I hope it’s okay to share it with you? If you don’t like it, give it back!! OK? I’m happy you came here. I’m sorry too. I keep messing up, don’t I? Wanting to kiss you, be close. You must think I’m a crazy pervert. I promise I’m not, OK? I try and will keep trying to make sure you are comfortable. I will probably mess up more, though. I do that. I am that.

You keep telling me you can’t do anything because of consent. Does that mean if you had it, you might want me, too? Because I realize, you’re so worried about my consent, but I keep doing things without yours. I’m sort of a criminal, huh? Please forgive me. I’ll try even though I know I’ll mess up. Don’t leave me or give up on me. If I overstep and you’re tired of it, tell me. Tell me straightforward, the truth about how you feel. I don’t want you to hate me because I can’t get close to another person.

I don’t like people. I’m actually damn scared of them. But not you. And it’s not because you’re not a people, or person, or whatever. I like you in spite of it.

When you first came here I thought you might be like everyone else, even though you smell better and your voice is sweeter. You’re patient and haven’t been demanding. Demanding people scare me. Even though I can be demanding… I’m sorry again, I really am a screw up. I’ve thought about it a lot being here. I screw up everything! But I don’t wanna screw this up. I have never felt more comfortable with someone, and the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable with me.

Turn the page →

Jungkook smiled, a breathy laugh coming through his nose as he flipped the page over, continuing to read.

I have questions for you, so many, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to ask you out loud. Until then, I will ask you in writing.

Did you always want to be a doctor?

How old are you?

Do you know how to do a cartwheel?

Do you have any pets?

What was that song you played on the piano?

Will you play it again?

Do you have a wife?

Is there something you want to tell someone that you haven’t but you want to? And can you tell me?

Because you ask a lot of questions to me, and you’re so patient and find the answers even without my words, I’ll answer some of the things you asked outside of my physical condition.

I don’t have a favorite color, or maybe it’s purple.

I don’t have a favorite flower or plant.

I don’t have a favorite season, but I like the way outside looks when it snows.