Searching for my beloved

Chapter 14: Turmoil !!!

Xavier confesses that he likes me from the start! My heart beats rapidly, a whirlwind of disbelief and confusion.

But I never know. I think that night was just a fleeting moment, a spark ignited by impulse or perhaps mere lust.

How could someone like him—so handsome, so confident, so dependable and talented—ever truly love someone like me?

If I had known before, then… then what? I grapple with the weight of my own existence. I’m not really a 22 years old girl of this world. I’m not the real Samantha.

I’m Merry, an unfortunate angel whose spirit fragments and spreads amidst innumerable worlds. I have to collect them, piece by piece, like a puzzle scattered across the cosmos.

I have to leave this body soon, and the thought sends a chill through my veins.

But I can’t deny that my feelings for Xavier have long since changed. That fateful night, I pour out my innermost thoughts to him—thoughts I can barely comprehend myself at that time.

I love him. He loves me. But the cruel reality looms over us: I have no way to stay with him for a lifetime. How utterly pathetic!

“Answer me, Samantha. Do you never love me once? Do you really have a boyfriend behind my back?” His voice trembles with a mix of desperation and anger, and it pierces through me like a dagger.

I laugh, but it feels hollow, a mask I wear to hide the turmoil inside. I must deceive him. I can’t explain my reasons for refusal; the truth is too painful, too complicated.

So I pretend, weaving a lie that feels like a noose tightening around my heart.

“What behind your back? We aren’t in any kind of relationship.” My voice is steadier than I feel, but inside, I’m a storm of emotions.

“I give you time because I don’t want to force you into a relationship. But you make a boyfriend. That’s very brave.” His words cut deep, and I can feel the heat of shame rising in my cheeks.

“Don’t talk to me like my life is yours. I’m grateful you’ve taken care of me. But I won’t repay you with my life. My life, my decision.” I stand my ground.

Xavier smirks, and in that moment, everything about him screams danger. His eyes burn with intensity, his expression a mix of frustration and longing. I nervously gulp, feeling the weight of his gaze.

Suddenly, the car stops abruptly, and I look around, panic rising within me. It’s a barren road, desolate and empty. I lash out at him, my voice trembling with fear and anger, “Why do you stop the car? Where is it? Are you planning to do something to me here? How can you be so unreasonable?”

Xavier gets out, and my heart races as he opens the passenger door and sits beside me. I feel trapped, cornered by his presence.

“What are you trying to do? Do you want to rape me like before?” I threaten, my voice shaking, but I can’t hide the vulnerability beneath my bravado.

He laughs loudly, a sound that sends chills down my spine. “How can you call that rape when you seduce me first?” His words are laced with a twisted sense of triumph, and I feel my cheeks flush with anger and humiliation.

“That doesn’t count. I was drugged.” I protest, but the weight of his gaze makes me feel small.

“You know clearly that was me. You confess subconsciously to me. You like me, at least then.” His voice softens, and I can see the flicker of hope in his eyes, but it only deepens my despair.

“I don’t remember.” I whisper, the truth hanging heavy between us.

“So you fall in love with someone else now?” His question is a knife, twisting in my heart.