5sos One Shots (boyxboy)

Fix my heart [Lashton]

A/N: This is based on the fanfic 'baby scars' by lovely-lashton for their one shot competition. It's not something I would usually do but I love the fanfic so I really want to try to win this competition. The story is in Ashton's point of view, enjoy.  

I walked out of my house, not entirely ready for what I was about to do, but I had to. I had to visit Luke in the mental institution. Even after everything he's done, lying to me, breaking my heart, I am still hopelessly in love with him. There was just something about him that I just couldn't pinpoint about him but, it made me incredibly happy when I was around him. 

I haven't visited Luke after he was put into the institution. After the incident at the police station, I decided to stay away from him. There were just so many things the I couldn't wrap my head around, why would he kill his parents? Why didn't he know about this mental disorder until he was questioned? I didn't know, I wasn't sure anymore. That day at the station when we were all questioned still haunts my dreams. I just couldn't believe the sight in front of me. Luke was thrashing around and was this whole new person when he was being asked questions. Nobody had ever seen him like this, he was this monster and I was scared of him. We all were, when Michael refused to let Calum leave, my heart broke. I could see the pain in Calum's eyes seeing our bandmate and best friend in the state he was in. Why wouldn't Michael just let him leave? Couldn't he see that Calum couldn't stand to see Luke like that? The scene still haunts me every night. There were nights at university where I would wake up in a sweat, chest heaving, trying to comprehend why I have the same nightmare. 

I just didn't understand. 

I was really skeptical about seeing Luke at first, I was still worried about his condition. All these fears spun around my head as I drove. 

What if he hates me?

What if he has an episode and it becomes a repeat of the police station? If that happened, I wouldn't be able to forgive him. I wouldn't trust him, I would be too scared.

I didn't realize that I was there until I found myself sitting in the parking lot. I was hoping I wasn't there long, I would look a little weird if I was. I had a moment where I contemplated not getting out of the car and going back home, but decided against it. I need to see Luke at least once before I go back to America. This is one of the few times I'll be able to go. I missed Luke. I missed when we could cuddle every night and he was there when I fell back into my old habits. It was hard at first to comprehend what was wrong with him and I was scared of him. I wasn't scared anymore,at least not as much as I was before. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to him long but I would like to at least tell him what I've been doing. But I can't do that until I get out of the car.

Once I got out and went inside, I went to the front desk and told the woman there that I was going to see Luke. She told me where his room was and I made my way down there. I finally found the room and looked in the window on the door. I saw Luke sitting, back facing the door, not moving. I silently opened the door, it made a slight creak but he didn't notice. Closing the door behind me, I walked silently over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, sitting my head on his shoulder. He looked at me and quickly turned away.

"Go away, Ashton." There was pain obvious in his voice, was he hurt to see me?

"But Lukey, I came to see you." I said trying to hold back my tears at my boyfriend. Did he hate me?

"Ashton, you don't understand. I'm a monster. I hurt you and you were scared of me. I'm an awful human being, you need to leave." 

"Luke, listen to me. I will not leave, I flew here from America to see you, I can easily get on the next flight back there if you refuse to let me talk to you. It's been a year Luke, you need to understand, I still love you. I don't want to leave you. You've helped me, now I need to help you."

I looked at him, he had hurt in his eyes. He knew that I was serious about leaving and that I just wanted to help him. He knew he was defeated and just laid on the bed. He was willing to talk to me now, I need answers.

"Luke can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure, Ashton."

"Why did you kill your parents?"

I noticed Luke stiffen at the question. I knew I probably went over the line, but I needed answers, and I needed them now.

"Ashton, plea-"

"Luke, answer me. Why did you kill your parents?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't know, I swear it was this disorder. I don't remember why I did it."

"Okay, one more question. Before we left, did you know you had this disorder?"

"No. I wasn't even aware I had it until we were caught and they interrogated me."

"When you were interrogated, you know how Michael, Calum, and I were watching on the other side of the wall?"

"yeah..."

"Calum was terrified when you had the outburst, Michael had to hold him down to keep him from leaving. We were all fucking worried about you."

"I know, can we please not talk about this?"

"I just wanted to know Luke. I wasn't going to go into this conversation about your health, my main question is, are you getting better?"

"Yes I am, Ashton. I'm hoping to get out soon so we can be together again."

"I hope so too... but I'm actually at university at the moment. I only came back here for spring break, i but, if I'm still at uni when you get out you can come to America and move in with me. Would that be amazing?"

"That would be so amazing Ashton, I want to get out here soon. I feel trapped in here."

"I know, listen I have to leave but, I promise I'll visit you next time I come back to Australia. Okay?"

Luke didn't reply, instead he just hugged me and whispered a goodbye to me. After we were done, I left, giving him a small smile before I closed the door. I walked out and gave the woman at the desk a small smile before heading back to my car. Once I got in though, I sat there and listened to music, the song 'second and sebring' by Of Mice and Men came on and memories came flooding back. I remembered the first time Luke and I talked. Well, he talked and I wrote in the notebook.  I remember when he replaced the notebook when it was destroyed. I remember everything we did. My favorite memory was when he helped me when he first saw my cuts, they were faded scars now. After I recollected the memories, I drove off, probably not seeing that place again. As, I was driving, familar lyrics were sang in the song.

This is not what it is, only baby scars. 

I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side.