5sos One Shots (boyxboy)

Jet Black Heart. [Malum AU]

Calum. 

A/N: This AU takes place when they are in the 5sos house, but they're the ages they are now. If that makes sense. 

I could hear Michael from my room. My heart broke hearing the sobs escaping his mouth. It killed me to know he did this every night. He would lock himself in his room and cry. I'm scared as to if he hurt himself or not. I want to help him, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll tell him how much I love him and ruin our friendship. Sure he's bisexual, but I don't think that he feels the same about me. 

It just kills me to hear him cry like that, to hear his sobs and know that I can't help him because of my own fears. Tonight, I might face my fears and help him. Let him know that he can come to me. Tell him that it kills me to hear his crying almost nightly and not be able to help him. I was going to be the one to save him. 

I hesitantly went to his door and knocked. I could hear his crying.

"Michael, are you okay?" I asked, concern obvious in my voice.

"Go away, Calum." I heard him mumble from the other side. 

"Michael, please open the door. I want to help." I heard the lock click and I opened the door. The sight was worse than I would imagine. Michael was in the corner, curled into a ball, his shoulders shaking from his sobs. 

I walked over to him and sunk down to his level. I slowly got him to unravel himself so I could hold him. I knew he just wanted someone to hold him and tell him that it's okay. Once my arms were around him, he buried his face into my chest and continued his sobbing. I instinctively hold him tighter, rubbing his back, shushing him. What he said next was something I didn't expect to hear. 

"Calum, why did you come help me? I'm worthless. I don't deserve to be here, in the band, on this earth." I quickly pulled away so I could look him in the eyes. He was a mess, his eyes were red and puffy from crying. His face was red and I could see the cry for help in his eyes. 

"Michael, listen to me. You are not worthless. You are the most amazing human being on this earth. The band wouldn't be this great without you. I love you."

"You what?" I sighed, knowing I would have to confess my love for him.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much. I hate seeing you like this. You hate yourself when I love every part of you. I love you so much Michael Gordon Clifford and I will prove it right now." I then leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I expected him to pull away, but he didn't. His lips moved with mine in sync and I loved it. It felt amazing to finally tell Michael how I feel. I just didn't know if he felt the same. 

We pulled apart and everything was silent for a moment. Until Michael smiled. He hugged me, whispering in my ear how much he loved me. 

"Calum, I love you so much." He said out loud, not whispering anymore.

"I love you too, Michael. Um, can I ask you something?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to do this. 

"Anything."

"So, I love you so much, as you already know. I just wanted to ask you, um, will you, Michael Gordon Clifford, be my boyfriend?" I ask, gaining more confidence as I asked him. 

His reaction was not what I was expecting. His face dropped, he sighed, putting his head in his hands. 

"Mikey, what's wrong?" I ask cautiously. 

"Don't call me that." He said, sounding angry. 

"What's wrong? Why are you being like this?"

"Calum, you don't understand. If I say yes, I'll get attached. Then you'll break my heart. That's what they all do, I get attached, and then they take my heart out of my chest, shattering it right in front of me. The last time, I promised to never get close to anybody. I've got a jet black heart, Calum, and it's keeping us apart. I'm sorry, but I can't say yes." 

"I'm not like them though, Michael. I promise that I'll be there for you, that I'll hold you when you break down. I won't be like the others." I say, my voice cracking. 

"I'm sorry Calum."

I broke down right there, instead of Michael sobbing this time, it was me. I just wanted Michael to understand I'm not like the others. I won't hurt him. I just wanted to love him, but now it won't happen. I knew this was a bad idea from the start, but I went for it. I should have known it wouldn't work. I couldn't take being in the same room as him anymore, so I stood up, wiping my eyes, and walked out. Without making a sound, and without looking at Michael. 

Once, I got to my room, I closed the door and slid down it. I started crying more, it felt like Michael ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it, right in front of my face. The sadness soon subsided, being replaced by anger. I stood up, banging on the door, the wall, throwing anything that I could. I soon heard a knock at the door.

"Cal, you okay?" Ashton asked, worry evident in his voice. 

"Get the fuck out of here, Ashton!" I yelled, I heard him leave and I continued with my rampage, I ended up destroying my mirror in the process. Which I didn't have a problem with, at least now I  don't need to see how much of a fuck up I am. 

The anger left, and the sadness returned. I collapsed on the ground and sobbed. I hated myself and I just wanted someone to hold me. But, I told Ashton to leave, so he probably told Luke to leave me alone. 

Leave me alone and sad, heartbroken because I couldn't have Michael.