First & Forever

Chapter 6: William

JANUARY

A few hours later, I have Carter and Hudson in my car heading to God knows where, to do God knows what, with God knows who. 

I changed my mind two or three times as to whether or not this was a good idea, then got so tired of thinking that I just stopped. It's a group thing, what could go wrong? Worst case, I'll lay low. Best case, I may actually feel something other than the void of Elle.

I wince.

Elle.

I wonder what she's doing tonight? Hanging out with friends? Maybe a college guy from her church or one of those basketball players that are always watching her? Shit, it's probably a combination of the two. A college basketball player... From her church. God help me.

What if she's at home texting someone new? Someone she can date through college and spend every weekend with like we always did. Someone that her little brothers will like more than me. Someone that can make her laugh and blush and tuck the hair behind her ear. Someone who didn't choose to go to a military academy twelve hours away. Someone who can put her first and knows better than to let her go. And what if that someone is already helping her to forget all about me?

"Pull in here. They'll be here in a minute," Carter says, pointing to a sushi and seafood restaurant that I've never been to since both Elle and I can't stand sushi. 

She has this theory that no one truly likes it, they just act like they do because somewhere, someone said it was amazing, then they eat so much of it that they build up a taste for it. 

Probably someone like this new guy I've now convinced myself she's talking to. Bet he likes sushi.

I pull into an open space. This place looks far nicer than the fried chicken and wing spots we usually hit up. "Here? This isn't really our scene."

"Trust me. Girls love this place," Carter says, in a furious text exchange with someone. "Come on, that's them," he says, jumping out of the car.

I watch as three girls pull up in front of us. I recognize them from school and maybe a sports team, but I'm pretty sure they're younger than us.

I eye Carter with confusion. "Where's Meredith? And I thought Piper and Graham were coming?"

"Did you really think I'd invite Elle's best friends?" He snickers, casually walking over to the girls where he drapes his arms over two of them. He lowers his voice saying something I can't make out and I'm immediately uncomfortable with whatever this is.

Hudson claps me on the shoulder before he walks toward their car. "Sorry, Rhodes. I told him this was a bad idea."

"Will, Haley. Haley, Will," Carter announces, introducing only one of the girls.

He pumps his brows with a smirk. "You two have fun!" he calls, quickly jumping into the girl's car along with Hudson and the other two.

My forehead wrinkles as I toss up my hands. "Wait... Where are you going?!"

"It's for your own good, Rhodes. You'll thank me later!" Carter announces out the window, waving as they peel out of the parking lot, leaving me standing with a girl I barely know.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea they were planning that. I can, uh - I can take you home," I offer, trying to figure out what to do.

"And miss out on a date with the William Rhodes? No way. I love this place," she says, nodding toward the restaurant.

My jaw tenses as I quickly weigh the options in my head. 

If I say no and don't go on a date with this girl, I'll look like a jerk and definitely hurt her feelings. If I go, maybe it's a chance to see if everyone's right. Maybe it will help me see things more clearly. It's just dinner. What do I have to lose? I already lost Elle, who could be mid text with her new college basketball someone as we speak.

My shoulders shrink in, slipping my hands in my pockets. "Alright. Let's do it," I say for the second time today, trying to go with whatever the hell kind of flow this is.

We get seated and I cringe at the menu thinking about how everything sounds like it fits Elle's theory. The thought of her makes my stomach tighten at how wrong this feels, but I'm here. I may as well see it through.

We eat, walk around a few shops next to the restaurant, and I take her home. She's pretty and seems nice enough, but either I'm nowhere near ready for this or there's nothing between us.

My hunch? It's both.

I know the guys will say to give it time and go out with her or other girls more. That I dated Elle for eight years for all that was between us to build up, but what I don't think they'll ever understand is how much there was between Elle and I from our very first interaction and every single one since. Without any effort of our own. Our pull. It's chemical, it has to be.

On the way to her house, I ask a few questions to fill the awkward silences and start to really hate myself when she talks about basketball. The reminder that this girl is on the same team as Elle and the thought of her finding out about tonight sends my mind into a tailspin. 

Why and how did I get myself into this situation? I try to focus and ask a few more questions. I say something that makes her laugh and that does it. My mind is long gone.

This girl is great, I'm sure, but she's not Elle.

I miss her. I miss the light in her eyes. I miss driving her home and catching her staring at me. I miss our shorthand and our playlists. I miss our late night talks and stopping the car in the middle of the road because I couldn't wait another second to kiss her. And God, I miss her laugh being the one to fill this car.

"Do you want to come in? We can watch a movie or something," the girl... Haley, asks me as I pull into her driveway and all I want to do is crawl under a rock.

"I should get home," I say politely, putting the car in park.

"I had a really great time," she coos and leans in like she wants to kiss me.

Surprised, I back up. I'm about to tell her it's not going to happen, but a flicker of doubt stops me. 

This could be the ultimate test. I've never kissed anyone but Elle, ever. Maybe this is the way to tell if everyone else has a valid point or not. I've already gone out with the girl and she seems harmless. People kiss people all the time, right?

And without another thought, I lean in and I kiss her.

We say goodnight, I tell her I had a good time, she waves as she enters her house, and I feel like my heart is in my throat.

I back out of the driveway, make it to the stop sign at the end of the subdivision and drop my head back against the headrest. I painfully squeeze my eyes shut, knowing two things.

One, I'm an idiot. Two, I got my clarity...

I will never find another Eloise James.