First & Forever

Chapter 29: William

MAY

Long. That's how the last three days have felt. Excruciatingly, unnecessarily long.

I leave for West Point in a week and a half and if the next eleven days are more of the same, I'm dreading every one of them.

Patience is not my strong suit and it's showing. I'm not really sleeping, I'm getting more anxious for cadet basic training by the minute, and I haven't seen or talked to Elle in days. Not even a text. I know it's for the best, to get ready for the transition, but damn, it feels like I lost a limb. In other words, it sucks. I miss her and it sucks, which makes today even more nerve wracking.

My eyes follow the Tennessee River as we approach the University of Tennessee campus for our graduation ceremony. Why they do all of our ceremonies all the way out here I will never know. Thankfully, Dad is driving because my brain has been on overload ever since we left the house. I just can't stop thinking.

Will today be the last time I see her before I leave?

Will it be the last time she wants to see me, period?

Do I leave with things between us so up in the air?

Do I pull a dick move and ask her to wait for me after all?

But mostly...

Where is her head at in all of this?

If I'm being honest, I didn't realize how badly I needed her to tell me how she truly feels until I asked her what she wanted at the cabin last weekend. I know she said she wants me in her life, but wanting me in her life and wanting me are two different things.

The more I thought about her words that night, the more I realized how carefully she had chosen them, not giving away too much of her true feelings.

Elle always wore her heart on her sleeve when it came to us. When we were together, I never had to wonder how she felt about me or where we stood because she always made it abundantly clear. But ever since the break-up, and my disastrous mishandling of it, that beautiful heart of hers has been tucked away and it's killing me not knowing where she stands. 

She's holding back and I get it. I haven't exactly divulged my own feelings in a long time either.

But, God, I want to.

Then I start wondering, what will happen if I do and she doesn't reciprocate? Or worse, she doesn't feel the same anymore? I'm not sure I can handle that. I sure as hell can't handle it right before I leave for West Point. So, the only thing I can think to do is nothing at all.

Well, except kiss her. That doesn't require words, so if I get the chance and she's game, there's no doubt I'll be kissing her today and hopefully that can say everything that I can't.

I follow signs down to the ground floor of the arena where we're supposed to line up for procession. I smile, passing classmates trying on graduation gowns and excitedly fixing each other's caps, then my breath catches.

Elle.

She's coming down a connecting hallway and, thank God, she's alone.

I step into the hallway and lean my shoulder against the wall to wait on her, watching as she moves toward me in a short strapless floral dress. It's a dark navy with what looks like green ivy throughout the floral pattern and it's perfect against her fair skin. Not to mention her legs and how they're made even longer by the heels she's somehow gliding in.

My smile widens when she looks up and sees me, her entire face lighting up as she tucks a section of glossy chestnut hair behind her ear. My stomach flutters after not having seen her for three days.