First & Forever

Chapter 9: Eloise

JANUARY

Of all days.

Five years. Five freaking years.

The words that Will had said with such certainty and conviction on that bridge, now hold a disenchantment that threatens to finish me off entirely.

I push open the door, escaping to the parking lot and wince at the bitter cold.

It was one thing to find out about Will with another girl, but to find out the way I did? The people I thought I could trust the most in this world: Will, Meredith, Piper, Gemma. Heck, even Will's friends. Every one of them had the chance to tell me and they didn't. They let me walk around like the fool I am for days, leaving me to find out in the worst way possible. And things only got worse from there.

The rumors have been relentless saying Will had been talking to her for months, that they have plans to go to prom together, that she already bought a William Rhodes prom dress, that it was more than one kiss, that it was more than one date, that his parents encouraged it, that she wasn't the only one he's been talking to. And that was all before I left the school after last night's game.

I put on my best poker face and made it through the game like I always do with no one the wiser, but once I got home the feeling of betrayal consumed me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. The walls of my room mocked me until I put Will's necklace, sweatshirts, notes, and pictures all in a box in the back of my closet and even then, I couldn't out maneuver the ghost of us as echoes of our last night there haunted. The door frame, the desk, the roof, the last perfect kiss. Did he know that would be the last? Was he talking to her even then? On the roof when he said he was scared, was he talking about us?

I painstakingly went over every word, facial expression, and action from that New Year's Eve night, trying to see if anything could have hinted at what was to come. And you know what's maddening? I couldn't find a single thing.

I barely made it to 10pm before crawling into bed with my mom who was still up watching a movie with a wide-eyed Emett. He was thrilled to have what he called a pajama party and his little arms around my neck were exactly what I had needed.

It's a strange occurrence for me to not want to be alone, but ever since the betrayals started adding up, I can't seem to bear it.

Maybe it's to feel someone else's presence or more so, some kind of survival response to avoid being alone with my own harrowing thoughts.

Part of me is fighting to believe the best in Will. In my eyes, he's forever sat on the most honorable of white horses, encapsulating what it is to be noble and good, incapable of hurting me or doing the wrong thing. I trusted him, wholeheartedly, and he never once gave me any reason not to.

He made me feel strong and seen, even on my lowest days. He was everything. My strength, my confidence, my best friend and because of that, I can't not think about all that's lost. All of the memories, but even worse, all that was yet to come.

I mean, I thought I knew him. His biggest fears, his worst thoughts. I thought I knew every part of him, but now? Between the break-up, betrayal, and all of the rumors? Now he feels like someone else entirely. And I feel like a naïve little girl.

I believed in it all. The fairytales, life altering love, the dream that in five years we would be the happily ever after. I didn't need a prince to save me, but I sure as heaven thought I had one that wanted to.

I get to my car to grab the book for my next class, another pathetic attempt at avoiding people in the halls, and see a folded up piece of paper in the door handle.

"Not again," I murmur under my breath.

I found the first note after our game yesterday. I thought it must have been from Will since it was tucked in the door handle like we had always done, but when I started to read, it became obvious that it was someone's idea of a cruel joke.