First & Forever

Chapter 10: William

JANUARY

"Eloise James?" The teacher pauses calling roll and, naturally, looks in my direction when there's no response.

"She's out," I quickly respond. The questioning eyes of everyone around me making me even more uncomfortable.

Where is she? 

We're now in third block and there's still no sign of her. I figured she had a dentist appointment or something when she wasn't in class this morning, but now that we're in the second half of the day I'm starting to worry.

I pick up my phone, dying to text her, but then set it down thinking I probably shouldn't. Just like last night. I couldn't stop worrying about her after I ran into her on my way to baseball workouts. She was so upset. I knew the second I saw her that something was wrong and if I could do it over again, I would have forgotten all about workouts and followed her out the door to make sure she was okay.

There's no doubt in my mind that whatever upset her was somehow my fault. The rumors around school have been out of control this week and I have no idea how to handle them. Most are so off base that I don't even know how they got started. Especially the ones about prom. Elle knows, last year I only went for her. She can't possibly think those are true. Then there are the even crazier ones about me cheating on her and talking to all these other girls. It's all yet another reminder that people around here are the worst.

The bell rings, letting us out for lunch and still no sign of Elle. I make my way to the cafeteria, ignoring the uncomfortable stares, and search the crowd for her friends. If anyone knows where she is, it's Meredith.

"Mer, hey. Have you talked to Elle today?" I ask, following her to our usual table.

"I haven't seen her yet, but she isn't really talking to any of us right now," Meredith says, sitting down with Gemma and Piper.

"Yeah. She's gone cold ever since she found out that we knew about you and you know...and didn't tell her before they did," Gemma adds.

"I mean, can you blame her? That had to have been brutal," Piper says and my jaw clenches at the thought.

"She's still not here. It's not like her. Did she tell any of you she'd be out?" I ask, hoping they know something.

Meredith reaches for her phone. "No, but you're right. Definitely not like her. We play tonight and if you miss more than half a day you have to sit out. That girl has never missed a game, like, ever."

"Did something happen at practice yesterday? I ran into her in the hall after and she was pretty upset," I say hesitantly.

"William freaking Rhodes. Have you not been at the same school this week? Of course she's upset!" Piper scolds bluntly.

I squeeze the back of my neck. "No, I know. That's why I'm worried about her not being here." I look at Meredith. "Anything?"

She shakes her head. "I texted her, but no. Nothing yet. She didn't have the best practice yesterday and Radler used the whole you and Haley thing to his advantage. It was awful."

I drop my head, fuming at the thought of that man using the mess I made against her.

"Oh, there's Emely... Em!" Piper calls, waving Elle's little sister over to the table.

"Em, is Elle out today?" Meredith asks.

Emely's eyes shift uncomfortably as she gets to the table. "Yeah, I think she's pretty sick. She went straight to bed when we got home last night and I don't think she's moved since."

"Do you know why she was upset when you all left yesterday?" Meredith asks.

"No. She wouldn't say anything, but honestly? I think she finally just broke," Emely says compassionately, cutting her eyes at me before she goes.

We all sit in silence for a second, not knowing what to say.

"Gah, we broke her. We broke the strongest, kindest person we know," Meredith says in a somber tone and my heart hurts at the thought.

I shake my head. "No, I broke her," I correct with regret as I turn to go.

Deciding that I couldn't possibly eat right now, I head to my car. How could I have made such a mess of things? She's always been so good to me. How could I have put her in this position?

Forget space, I have to talk to her. I have to make sure she's okay. I start typing in our text thread, but stop, feeling the need to hear her voice. I tap her name, still in my favorites, and feel sick as it rings.

Come on, Elle. Please pick up. Please, please pick up.

"Hello," I finally hear on the other end, but it's not Elle.

"Mrs. James, hi. I was, um - I was just calling to check on Eloise. Is she there?"

"Oh, Will." I hear her let out a weary breath. "Yes, she's here, but honey I don't think that's a good idea. I think she just needs to rest right now. I'll tell her you called to check on her though," she says definitively.

"Oh, um, okay. Of course. Thank you, Mrs. James." I hang up the phone, feeling even worse than I had before.

It's okay. I can talk to her tomorrow. In person.

Yeah, tomorrow.

*****

The next day passed, and then the next, and Elle still wasn't back at school. I texted her a few times saying I hoped she was feeling better, but didn't hear anything back. I went through the weekend, dying to hear from her, but nothing. Now it's a new week and still, no Eloise.

Her friends haven't heard from her, as of tonight she will have missed three games, she's never online, and I still can't get a text back. She's gone completely off grid and it's killing me.

Teachers, coaches, people I've never even talked to before keep asking me if she's okay and I have no idea what to tell them since I'm wondering it myself.

"Dude! We just heard Elle's pregnant now. Congrats!" Carter burst out laughing as they catch up to me in the hall.

I run a hand over my hair, getting more and more frustrated with every rumor that pops up. "Will it ever end?"

"I'm partial to the one about her changing schools because you're a serial cheater," Hudson comments with a laugh.

"Or the one that she and Haley got in a fist fight," Carter adds.

"Have you heard from her? I'm sure she's coming back this week. Emely said she's had the flu or something, right?" Graham asks.

"Yeah. Something like that," I hedge, not wanting to admit that I actually have no idea because she hasn't responded to any of my texts.

Over the weekend I thought about just showing up at her door with a bag full of her favorite ice cream like she had done for me when I had my first bad concussion last year. But every time, I remembered her mom's voice on the phone saying she didn't think talking to her was a good idea right now. She's probably right, but this giving her space thing? It sucks.

I just wish I could see her and for her to know that it's taking everything in me not to. I want to look into those emerald eyes and make her see that I'm still that guy. Regardless of all of the rumors and mess ups, I'm still me. The guy that would come over the second she called. The guy that would wipe away every tear. Because I am or I want to be. Even if we can't be the us that we're used to.

But - and I think this is the very worst part - I can't.

Not when I'm the reason for the tears.