teilzeit poesie

Relevance

i just want to be relevant again. relevant enough so that people treat me normally. not like shit, a trashbin or what is even worse: a junkie. i know i'm a mess but i can't help myself. i've always got the feeling i cannot do it better than before. everyone treats me with silence or yelling. i just want to have one normal conversation in my life. without judging, without the silence, without yelling at me. i know i've done a lot of things in my life that weren't right but why cant they see that i've given my best. I have given all I can but it's not enough. I don't want to talk about my consumption, I wanna talk about me. I'm a fucking cool person, I have a lots of talents, I'm funny and open to new people. So why is it so hard to find someone that fits for me? So why is it so hard to find someone that just listens and doesn't judge? I feel like ever I start to talk about something, the people think it's always just about me and my drugs. But that isn't my point. My point is just to be heard again and my problems. I got so much bigger stuff in my life than the fucking drugs. I'm so much more than just my consumption. Why don't you see that?

I just really wanted to talk about how life's going so far, why I'm always so silent at the moment and much more. But everything the people are interested in is my handling with drugs. like that was my only problem. I wanna feel my feelings again, I just wanna be me again.