teilzeit poesie

- found this in my old notebook -

Sometimes I wish you still loved me. Sometimes I just sit there, staring at my phone screen, looking at your Instagram. Just to see your photo. Your smile. To see how much you've changed, how much I've changed, how much we've changed. It's crazy. It's crazy to think about everything that happened between us. And it's crazy to think about everything that happened after us.

I would never say I miss you, because I don't miss you anymore. But still... you'll always be my first love. You'll always have a place in my heart, and I don't even know why. I don't know why I fell in love with someone who didn't appreciate me-my appearance, my personality, whatever it was. I can't understand what I saw in you. I thought you were special, but you were just like everyone else I'd ever met. You weren't "amazing"; you were just an asshole.

You told me you liked me for months and months. And that's messed up, because I spent three whole years dealing with these messed-up feelings. With the endless overthinking about "us." And you didn't. You just forgot about me. I wasted my time. I didn't learn anything new about love because I couldn't. I couldn't meet new people or date anyone else-because of you. And even now, I probably still can't, because you broke my heart so badly that I feel like I'll never be able to love again.

Messed up (me).