Beyond the lens - Billie Eilish

43 -

Ellie walked back to the hotel, her heart pounding in her chest, her mind racing with thoughts. She was shaken, deeply unsettled by what had just happened at Billie's place. That suspended moment between them, that almost-kiss, and then the sudden interruption by Finneas. She couldn't stop replaying the scene over and over in her head, as if trying to figure out how they had gotten there, how the tension between them had grown so intense.

Part of her wanted to blame Finneas for knocking at that exact moment, just before their lips could touch. But a bigger part of her felt almost relieved. Would a kiss have been a mistake? What if it had changed everything between them? What if that sudden closeness had ended up destroying the fragile bond they had just started to build? Ellie couldn't help but ask herself these questions.

She sighed deeply as she walked down the hallway, feeling her mind whirl with each new thought. Everything could have shifted tonight. She could feel it, she knew it. The tension between her and Billie wasn't something she could ignore, but the idea of taking it further scared her. They would be together every day for the next two months, on tour. A kiss could complicate everything, make things more tense, more confusing. And yet... she couldn't deny the attraction she had felt.

Lost in her thoughts, Ellie slowed down in front of her room door, unsure whether to go in. She needed to talk to someone, to make sense of her emotions. And the only person who came to mind was Kate.

Ellie dropped off Livai in her room, closed the door, and quickly headed to Kate's room, her heart still heavy. She knew Kate would understand, that she wouldn't judge, and that she would say exactly what Ellie needed to hear.

She knocked softly on her friend's door, still feeling the effects of the disturbance. After a few seconds, the door opened, revealing Kate in her pajamas, her hair loose, and a sleepy smile on her face.

Kate: "Ellie? What's going on?"

Ellie looked down, hesitating for a moment: "I need to talk. Something happened tonight... with Billie."

Without hesitation, Kate opened the door wide and invited her in: "Come on, let's talk about it."

Ellie stepped into the room, letting the door close quietly behind her. She sat on the bed, her hands folded on her knees, while Kate sat next to her, all ears.

Kate: "So, tell me everything."

Ellie: "Tonight, at Billie's... something happened between us. We were talking, laughing, and then... I don't know how it happened, but things got more serious. She started talking about her loneliness, her past, and there was this... tension between us. It was so intense."

Kate listened carefully, her eyes scanning Ellie's face with silent understanding.

Ellie: "We were about to kiss, I think it was really going to happen, but Finneas knocked on the door right then."

Kate: "And how do you feel about that?"

Ellie shook her head, looking confused: "I don't know... Part of me is frustrated because it didn't happen... but the other part is relieved. What if that kiss had changed everything between us? What if it had ruined it all?"

Kate took a moment before answering, thinking carefully about how to phrase her thoughts: "I understand your worries. It's normal to fear that something like that could complicate things. But there's also the possibility that it won't complicate them at all."

Ellie looked up, confused: "How do you mean?"

Kate: "Sometimes feelings evolve. And maybe it's not as dramatic as you think. Yes, there would have been a kiss, but that doesn't mean everything would have changed."

Ellie frowned, twisting her hands: "I don't know, Kate, I know it sounds stupid, but I really don't want to risk ruining everything, losing her, you know?"

Kate smiled gently, placing a comforting hand on Ellie's: "I don't think you're going to lose her, Ellie. Billie really likes you, you can tell. The important thing is to be honest with yourself. What do you really want, deep down?"

Ellie stayed silent, thinking deeply about the question. She wasn't sure yet what she really wanted, but one thing was for sure: she needed to take her time to figure out how she truly felt about Billie.

After a long moment, she turned to Kate, grateful: "Thanks, Kate, it's nice knowing I can count on you."

Kate smiled warmly at her: "Of course, don't hesitate if you need anything."

POV Billie

Billie gently closed the door to the caravan after Ellie left, a strange feeling weighing on her chest. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Or rather, what hadn't happened. The moment had been so intense, so charged with emotion, that her body was still trembling slightly.

She walked over to the couch and collapsed into it with a sigh. Silence now filled the small caravan, only interrupted by Shark's light breathing, asleep at her feet. Billie closed her eyes for a moment, thinking back to that closeness, to the way Ellie had looked at her, to the tension that had filled the air between them.

Just when everything seemed like it was going to change, Finneas had knocked on the door, interrupting everything. She didn't blame him, of course. How could he have known what was going on? But she couldn't help but feel a frustration, mixed with a strange guilt. She had never imagined getting to this point with Ellie, but deep down, part of her knew it could've happened sooner.

The sound of the front door opening pulled her from her thoughts. Finneas poked his head through the crack in the door, a guilty smile on his face.

Finneas: "Hey, I think I interrupted something earlier, huh?"

Billie stiffened slightly, surprised by her brother's blunt question. She bit her bottom lip, unsure how to respond.

Billie: "Maybe a little..."

Finneas raised an eyebrow and walked into the room: "I knew the vibe was a bit off when I came in. Sorry if I ruined everything."

Billie shook her head quickly, trying to downplay the situation: "No, it's not that... It's just that..." She paused, searching for the right words. "I don't know, Finneas. I feel completely lost."

Finneas turned to her, leaning against the table with a serious expression: "Lost about what? Ellie?"

Billie nodded slowly, finally letting the truth out: "Yeah... Ellie. I don't know what's happening between us, but I feel like it's changing. We've gotten really close, and tonight, I felt like we were going to take it to the next level... but now I'm wondering if it's a good idea, if it's going to mess everything up."

Finneas looked at her thoughtfully: "Look, Billie, I'm probably the worst person to give relationship advice, but I think you should just follow what you feel. If you have feelings for Ellie, it's better to be honest with her and with yourself. Maybe it's going to complicate things, or maybe it'll make them better. But you can't stay in doubt forever."

Billie sighed, her mind still in turmoil: "I know, you're right... But I'm afraid it will ruin everything we've built, she's such a good friend, you know?"

Finneas smiled gently, walking over to place a comforting hand on her shoulder: "Take your time and talk to her when you're ready."

Billie nodded, grateful for his words. Finneas scratched Shark's head and walked toward the door to leave her alone.

"Thanks, bro," she murmured as he left the room.

A calming silence fell over her, and Billie sat there, lost in her thoughts, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions still swirling inside her.