Beyond the lens - Billie Eilish

59 -

The morning sun in Paris gently kissed Ellie's skin as she settled on the terrace of a café, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. The streets around her began to come alive, the distant murmur of conversations in French, the sounds of scooters, and the clatter of heels on the cobblestones filled the air. She took a deep breath.

The sky stretched above her in a pure blue, dotted with a few white clouds. The tranquil beauty of the city seemed strangely at odds with the turmoil in her heart. Paris had a soothing power over her, a temporary balm for her still-open wounds.

One more week in Paris. A week to find herself, to recharge, before heading to London and, most importantly, before rejoining the tour with Billie... if Billie agreed to let her come back.

Ellie sighed softly, feeling guilt wash over her again. Billie. She couldn't stop thinking about her. With each passing day, every corner of the street, every smile exchanged with Joan and Aubrey brought her thoughts back to Billie. She remembered the first time they had met, in that dressing room. Billie, with her sweet smile and calm energy, had made Ellie feel at ease right away. She also recalled the incredible opportunity Billie had given her by making her the official photographer for the tour. How could she have reacted so harshly after everything Billie had done for her?

Memories flooded in, as sweet as they were bitter. Every shared moment with Billie seemed etched in her mind: the quiet laughter, the late-night conversations, and the gestures... those gestures filled with tenderness. She didn't deserve that, Ellie thought, her throat tight with regret. Billie had always supported her, even when Ellie was on the verge of breaking down.

"I'm such an idiot," she murmured to herself, the bitter taste of guilt filling her mouth.

She felt foolish, not only for how she had treated Billie but also for letting her father get inside her head like that. Now, as she observed the serene beauty of Paris around her, Ellie realized how much time she had wasted suffering for someone who didn't deserve it.

Why did I let all this affect me so much? she thought, watching the passersby smile in the golden light of autumn in Paris. She had spent so many years seeking her father's approval, waiting for a sign of affection or an apology. All she had gained was more pain.

Her anger toward him transformed into a kind of sadness. I don't want to be a prisoner of this pain anymore. It was no longer just her father holding her back. It was herself, her fear of abandonment dictating her reactions. She had pushed Billie away for fear of being hurt, and she had also distanced herself from Kate. Her friend had just gone through a painful ordeal, a heartbreaking betrayal, and Ellie hadn't even been there for her. She had abandoned Kate when she needed support the most, too caught up in her own problems.

Shame welled up inside her. Kate deserved better, just like Billie. Both had been there for her, and she... she had sunk into her own darkness, refusing their help. I need to talk to them, Ellie thought, thinking of Kate but also of Billie. She wanted to apologize, truly apologize, and tell them how much they meant to her.

Lost in her thoughts, Ellie looked up at the Seine flowing peacefully. The Parisian bridges elegantly arched over the sparkling water, and she let herself be cradled by that calm. There was something healing about this city. Paris offered her a space to reflect, free of judgment, free of pressure. The past couldn't be changed, but the future... the future was hers.

A slight smile touched her lips. Maybe not everything is lost. There was still time to fix mistakes, to heal. Paris offered her a respite, a pause before the storm, but also a chance to reevaluate what really mattered.

Joan and Aubrey were waiting a little further away, happily discussing their next stop in the city. She would join them soon, but for now, she savored this moment of tranquility, this small bubble of inner peace she hadn't felt in a long time.

Tomorrow would be another day. But today, in Paris, she allowed herself to be carried by the gentle breeze and the timid hope that maybe, she could finally move forward, free herself from the invisible chains that had held her back for so long.