Beyond the lens - Billie Eilish

55 -

POV BILLIE

Billie left the hotel with a weight on her chest, her heavy footsteps echoing in the silence of the night. Her thoughts were spiraling, colliding, replaying over and over the devastating scene that had just unfolded. As she made her way to the car, she felt the tears rising again. She hadn't been able to stop Ellie, she hadn't been able to break through the armor of pain her friend had locked herself into. Ellie's face, marked by distress, stayed etched in her mind, likely to haunt her for a long time. Her gaze, her harsh words, and the cold distance Ellie had imposed... it was a real fucking mess.

When she reached her car, Shark was waiting eagerly, wagging his tail at the sight of her. Normally, that simple gesture would warm Billie's heart, but this time, she couldn't even manage a smile. She opened the door, and Shark jumped onto the passenger seat, but Billie stayed outside for a moment, her back against the car, looking up at the starry sky without really seeing it. The world hadn't become blurry, it was just her eyes that were wet, and she gritted her teeth to keep her emotions from spilling over completely.

Finally, she got into the driver's seat, but before turning on the engine, she let her head drop onto the wheel, her breath shallow. "What did I do wrong?" she murmured quietly. The memories of the night replayed in her head like uncontrollable flashes. She was desperately trying to understand what could have triggered Ellie's explosion of anger. And most of all, why did she think Billie would eventually abandon her?

Flash-back : "Everyone ends up leaving me, Billie! You'll probably do the same!"

Those words still echoed in her mind, striking every part of her consciousness. She clenched her fists on the wheel, cursing herself for not finding the right words to calm her down, to reassure her. Despite everything that had happened, Billie couldn't feel anger towards Ellie. It was impossible. She knew that this pain went way deeper, much deeper than their friendship or their budding relationship. It was her dad, that asshole who had already broken her once and was doing it again.

Billie shook her head slightly, angrily wiping away a tear that rolled down her cheek. She finally started the engine and hit the road. Shark, sitting quietly beside her, rested his head on her lap, as if sensing that she needed comfort. She absentmindedly placed her hand on his head, gently stroking him, but her mind was elsewhere. With every passing minute on the road, her thoughts returned to Ellie, to the moment she had seen her crumbled, completely destroyed.

"She's been through so much..." Billie whispered to herself, her throat tight. "How could I ever be mad at her?"

Her gaze stayed fixed on the road, but her thoughts were a labyrinth of doubts and regrets. Ellie had rebuilt herself after her mom's death, learned to live without her dad, to protect herself from the world. Billie now understood how much the sudden arrival of that man had turned everything upside down. Ellie had felt abandonment again, betrayal. And the only way she'd found to protect herself was to push everyone away, even her.

As she neared home, Billie felt her heart tighten even more. She parked in front of her trailer, turning off the engine. The silence was deafening. She took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts before facing the solitude of her house. She knew she wouldn't find peace tonight.

When she pushed the door open, an unexpected scene greeted her: her brother was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. A show about volcanoes was playing in the background, but he seemed half-asleep. He turned his head toward her, a big smile on his face.

Finneas: "Hey, little sis!"

He said it enthusiastically, before furrowing his brow when he saw Billie's expression.

Finneas: "Everything okay?"

Billie tried to hide her distress with a forced smile, but she knew she couldn't hide anything from her brother. Finneas knew her too well. He studied her carefully, his smile slowly fading. He turned off the TV and stood up to approach her.

Finneas: "What happened?" he asked softly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Billie collapsed onto the couch, exhausted, her gaze lost in the void. Finneas sat next to her, ready to listen. She took a deep breath, then let everything out, every detail of the night.

She told him about her original plan, the evening he had organized with all the tension between her and Ellie, and their kiss. She had wanted to talk about it, to understand what had happened between them, but instead, she had found Ellie completely broken, devastated by a confrontation with her dad. Billie described every moment, every word exchanged, her attempts to comfort her, and then that final break when Ellie had asked her to leave.

Finneas stayed silent for a few moments, digesting everything his sister had just told him. He seemed upset for Ellie too, aware of how much she must have suffered.

Finneas: "What a mess, her dad... that guy is a real piece of shit."

Billie nodded, her heart tightening again at the thought of everything Ellie had endured.

Billie: "I know, she had managed to pick herself up after all that, and now... he's back to destroy everything. She doesn't deserve this, Finn. She doesn't deserve to be this broken."

Finneas moved a little closer to her, his eyes filled with compassion.

Finneas: "I'm sorry, Billie. I'm really sorry for her. But you know it's not your fault, right? You did everything you could."

Billie: "But it doesn't change anything. She thinks I'm gonna leave her, Finn. She thinks I'll end up ditching her like everyone else before me. What did I do wrong? Why does she think that after everything we've been through?"

Finneas looked at her tenderly, trying to find the right words.

Finneas: "It's not you, Billie. It's not because of you. It's what she feels, because that's what she's known her whole life. She's been betrayed by the people who were supposed to love her. And now she's scared."

Billie: "I get that, but..."

Billie's voice cracked slightly.

Billie: "I thought I'd shown her that she could count on me."

Finneas gently grabbed her hand.

Finneas: "You did. But you also know she's still rebuilding, still carrying those wounds. When she saw her dad again, it reopened old scars. She reacted in the heat of the moment, Billie. It's not against you."

Billie looked at her brother, tears threatening to return.

Billie: "I don't know what to do to help her, Finn. I feel like I'm losing her, and it's killing me."

Finneas: "Sometimes, the best thing you can do is give her some space. Ellie's just been betrayed, again, and she needs time to process all of this. She needs to understand that not everyone is like her dad, and that takes time."

Billie nodded slowly, understanding her brother's words but still feeling helpless.

Billie: "You're right. I need to, and I will give her time. But I'm so scared she'll shut herself off and never let me in again."

Finneas: "That's not going to happen. She cares about you more than you think. She's just... lost right now. But she'll come back to you. And when she does, you'll be there for her, just like you always have been."

Billie stayed silent, taking in her brother's comforting words. She knew he was right, but the pain of watching Ellie pull away from her was too raw to go away so easily. Finneas, sensing the weight of her silence, wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her gently against him.