Beyond the lens - Billie Eilish

75 -

POV Billie

Two hours after the concert ends, I'm walking backstage, still carried by the energy of the crowd. Once again, they were incredible. I love them deeply. Without them, I'd literally be nothing, or maybe not even here anymore.

On my way to the dressing room, I grab a towel and toss it over my head, downing almost an entire bottle of water in one go. I spend nearly an hour talking with the crew, debriefing, figuring out what could be improved. But little by little, the exhaustion creeps in, and I know it's time to retreat.

As I grab the handle of my dressing room door, a strange feeling washes over me. I push it open, and there she is. Sitting on the couch, in the same spot where I'd been hours ago. Headphones on, eyes glued to her phone.

"Ellie?"

She turns to look at me, her expression darker than usual, much darker. A surge of anger wells up in me.

"Damn it, Ellie, what the hell is this? Are you kidding me?"

She stands slowly, removing her headphones with deliberate care.

"Billie, I—"

But I don't let her finish. I'm furious, and nothing she could say feels like enough right now.

"Jesus, Ellie, I don't care anymore! You promised me you wouldn't disappear like this again, without a word! Everything you put me through makes me so fucking sad, I can't do it anymore. I'm done."

I turn away, frustrated, and head toward the table to strip off my T-shirt, leaving just my tank top as I remove the stage wires. She stays there, unmoving, but I can feel her presence behind me. Then, suddenly, a sob breaks the silence.

"Billie..."

Her voice cracks. I don't want to give in, but the sound of her crying pierces me. I turn around. She's there, her face etched with pain, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes search for mine.

"It's Livai," she finally whispers.

I frown, confused.

"Livai?"

She takes a deep breath, but her voice shakes.

"He's gone."

The words hit me like a punch to the stomach.

"He's what?!"

A wave of shame washes over me. All my anger vanishes in an instant. I step toward her quickly, cupping her face in my hands. Her eyes try to avoid mine, but I hold her gently. I pull her into my arms, holding her tighter and more tenderly than I ever have. Her burning tears fall against my neck.

It all makes sense now. Her disappearance, her silence... I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's carrying. For the past three days, while I was angry at her, she was going through devastating grief.

God, I'm such an idiot.

We stay like that, wrapped in each other, for what feels like an eternity. Then she pulls back slowly, but her hands stay in mine.

"I'm sorry, Billie," she murmurs, "but... I don't know how to live without him. I've lost my whole family."

Her words stab through me. I know how much Livai meant to her. He wasn't just a dog. He was her connection to her mom, her anchor, her constant. The one who never left her, who was always there. And now he's gone.

I have no words. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

I gently squeeze her hand and guide her to the couch so she can sit down. Her voice is barely audible when she speaks again.

"He died just hours after I got back from your place."

A pang shoots through my chest. She had spent time with me, not knowing her dog was living his final moments.

"You should've called me, Ellie. I would've come right away."

She looks at me with a disarming softness, placing a hand on my cheek.

"I know, but I had to face it alone, to be with him."

Her touch soothes me. Instinctively, I place my hand over hers, holding it gently and sliding it down, not letting go.

"Can I ask... how it happened?"

She nods, lowering her gaze.

"The vet said it was a sudden illness. He'd been doomed for weeks, but no one could've known. He was suffering beside me, and I didn't feel it..."

Her voice trembles again, on the verge of breaking. I squeeze her hand a little tighter, trying to give her a strength I'm not sure I even have.

"Ellie, you couldn't have known. Levi wouldn't want you to feel guilty."

She gives a faint smile, but it's not enough. She looks like she felt like dying

"If you say so..."

"I swear. He's probably cursing you out right now for being like this."

A small laugh escapes her lips. She looks at me, then slowly leans in and presses her lips to mine. Her hand slides over my cheek, and the unexpected contact makes me blush.

She pulls back slightly, her eyes locked on mine.

"Thank you, Billie."

In that precise moment, I feel something I've never felt before.