TOXIC (Elizabeth Olsen x G!P OC)

Chp 16. Faithful

"I don't wanna be a part-time lover
I don't wanna make you wonder where I've been
I don't wanna get myself in trouble
Out there fuckin' 'round with these hoes again
I don't wanna make you feel insecure, baby
Wanna be yours, baby
Something 'bout you got me feeling more mature lately
Make you the only girl in the world"

I sang into the mic reading the lyrics off my phone, my foot tapping on the floor, funny how I make a song about being faithful to my girl when I don't have a girl.

I wanted Lizzie to be mine or at least I think I did I knew I had feelings for her but what if needed time to be by myself and figure out what I truly wanted?

I didn't want to have our relationship end up like mine with Lexi, where I constantly made her feel crazy and insecure I didn't want that,  I know me, and knowing me I know that I would fall right back into my old ways.

And I didn't want to hurt her like that, I'd rather we be friends or nothing at all before I hurt her like that.

"I've done broke so many hearts, it's disgraceful
And I know your mama told ya I'm no angel
But if you walked out right now, it would be painful
Girl, you're so bad, you make me faithful"

Funny how I was able to play so many girls but I knew now if Lizzie didn't want to be with me it hurt like hell but I wouldn't even blame her for not wanting to, I took a deep breath and Gerald started to rap his verse.

"You know, yeah
At the crossroads and now I got the blues
I know Page Six tagged you, but you ain't watched the news (-graceful)
I know I made some mistakes that you can't just excuse
I know I did you no favors far as your trust issues (Angel)
Were concerned, the second chances got burned
Each time that I went back on my word, it's time to learn (painful)
As the vinyl turns, Usher Raymond - 6, "Let It Burn"
And I'll just sit here waitin' until this karma returns like, yeah"

I scrolled on my phone to find my next verse. Reading it as I sang it made me wonder if I could be faithful to someone, four out of my five relationships ended because I cheated and each time I did I lost a good woman who did nothing but be there for me.

"I've done broke so many hearts (you know), it's disgraceful (it's disgraceful, uh)
And I know your mama told ya I'm no angel (no, yeah)
But if you walked out right now, it would be painful (painful, uh)
Girl, you're so bad, you make me faithful (uh)

Faithful to you (you know, hahaha, yeah)
Faithful to you (if anybody can do, that'd be you)"

-

Tour starts in two weeks, two weeks and I'll be gone for months, I had been doing tour rehearsals every day for a week since the album party and I was bout ready to pack up and say we do the tour next year.

I was tired.

And after the release of "Faithful" people had been praising me for coming clean about what happened with Lexi but that didn't happen. I didn't admit to anything I just said I would be faithful to someone and I didn't know who that someone was at this point.

Lizzie?

Me?

Faithful to myself and just take some time, which I needed to do, I hadn't had my peace and quiet I had been working my ass off, and I felt burnt out.

I released "Grieving" a few days after I finished it and that immediately started to trend with people tying it to Lexi and I though they didn't know her name they just called her "Jordan's girl" and she wasn't my girl.