TOXIC (Elizabeth Olsen x G!P OC)

Chp 19. Apologize

"Nobody knows what I go through
Wish you could put yourself inside my shoes
You got friends that ain't friends no more
They don't understand the life I chose
See the money and the fame
It can hurt everything you love
Got some people that depend on me
And I can't give up
They don't know what I'm going through
They don't know what I'm going through"

I sang along to the song that played through the bus and took a hit of the blunt, I was scrolling through Instagram on my phone while listening to it as everyone else was getting action.

They had brought some girls on the bus and I was trying so hard to better for Lizzie that I didn't even entertain them, just sitting there. Shit made me feel like a third wheel or something but I was managing.

"Nobody saw the struggle they just see the reward
They focused on the peace but they never saw the war
Homies I started with ain't make it till the end
They used to be my n*ggas now we ain't friends
Long as I'm putting n*ggas on it be all good
Soon as I tell them that I can't they the first to go
I see you tryin to come around since I'm out the hood
But I see 'em being fake so I let 'em know
I had to let 'em know"

I hadn't had sex in two months one week and five days, but who's counting?

This whole 'being better' shit was a pain in my ass, but I was trying to stick it through and commit to it. I had been on vocal rest for the past few days so I was just chilling in the bus most of the time or sitting in a club with the guys.

But I had another show today and Lizzie was gonna be here, and to be honest I was nervous to perform in front of her I don't know why, I wasn't nervous to perform in front of thousands of people but knowing that she was going to be here shot my nerves through the roof.

I was excited to see her and not just for the sex, but I wanted to see her again. I truly missed her, but I couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty for what I had yet to tell her.

I still hadn't told her that Lexi was pregnant or that I was with her and Lexi at the same time, and I know she had told me we needed trust if we were gonna work but what if I was truthful and she still left me?

That scared me enough to keep my ass quiet, though I knew keeping up the lie for even longer would do more harm than good but I needed time.

-

"God, I've missed you!" Lizzie exclaimed as she ran in my arms and I held her tight, a soft sigh leaving my mouth. I missed her in my arms. We stood and embraced and I lightly spun her back and forth.

"How was your flight?" I asked as we slightly broke apart, she was still in my arms and her face fell for a second before the smile was on it again.

"Long." She mumbled and I chuckled softly, bringing up my hand to move her hair behind her ear, and kissed her softly.

"I missed you," I whispered against her lips and she smiled against me, kissing me again I didn't care that we were embracing in the middle of the arena I just cared that I could hold her again. I broke the kiss kissed her head set her on the ground, and took her hand in mine. "Let's take your bags to the bus," I told her and she nodded I picked up her bag and led her outside to the bus, and I took it to the back.

I was ready to go back inside but she pulled me in by shirt, her lips hitting mine sweetly and I put my hands on her waist and backed her up til her back hit the bed, and I crawled on top of her, my lips finding hers once again.

Sex wasn't on my mind at that particular moment but I wouldn't deny it if it was to come.

Her hands slid into my shirt and my hand moved along her leg to her thigh, and she started to pull my shirt off I broke the kiss and allowed her to toss it to the side, and her hands touched my body, which had me in a daze.