Brown Eyes :: Phanfiction

Goner ; Chapter Fourteen

(A/N: oops sorry there's no video, I couldn't find it but I really liked this song with the chapter so you could always just play it in the background if you want)

Phil released the kiss and looked into Dan's eyes, filled with love, then sadness.

"What Phil?" Dan asked, stroking his hair and searching his emotionless face for answers, "What's wrong, do you not love me?"

"No, no I do. But Allison loves you, and she makes you happy. I can't live knowing that I broke you two up, even if I'm in love with you."

"Phil, I know that you know that I love Allison, very much, but I want to forget about her now and decide later. Okay, it's just about us now." Dan said, and tried to continue kissing but Phil refused.

"I can't have only now and maybe later. Dan if I have you, I have you now and forever." Phil told him strictly.

"You can't force me to make that decision, please don't make me." Dan begged, but Phil never gave in. Dan saw only sadness and hurt in Phil's eyes.

But what was Dan to do. He did love Allison, and he did love Phil, but he wasn't going to choose Phil only out of pity for the events that only just occurred.

Dan's mother came in and politely dismissed him from the room. Dan shut his eyes and nodded, looking over to Phil with love and desperation, then walking out into the hallway. Pj and Chris were holding each other, little to no tears streaking down Pj's face.

"How is he?" Pj jumped up, "please let him be okay."

"He's doing better, of course he's a bit sad because I just told him that I can't choose between him and Allison, but he's awake and he's feeling better I think."

Pj sat back down, anger flashing in his eyes before he did. Chris noticed and walked over to Dan, pulling him out of hearing range for Pj.

"Dan, I don't think you realize, we all hate Allison, and I'm sorry for that, but she bullied us all throughout for being so called 'faggots'." he informed Dan, putting air quotes around the word 'faggots'. "Phil had it the worst, they were great friends, he even liked Tommy, but when he came out to all of them, they just left. Allison has been a real ass to us and she is so fake around you."

"You're just saying that. I know my Alli, and she would never, could never, do that. So, maybe Tommy does, but I know she doesn't. I'm in love with her and I can tell." Dan argued, but Chris sighed.

"You're blinded, it's like she has you under some spell. You're going to lose Allison to Tommy, and you won't get Phil because he'll be mad that you chose her, and we won't feel sorry. I hate to say it, you seem like a good friend, but don't hurt Phil." Chris warned him with a scowl and walked back to Pj. They started whispering words that Dan couldn't quite understand, as they looked back at Dan quickly every once and a while, going back to ranting, probably about him.

"Hey, Dan, sweetie. You can go home, unfortunately, Phil is going under observation. Unless you want to stay and wait, but I don't know how long that might be." Dan's mother told him and kissed him on the cheek.

Dan wondered his way out of the hospital, with just enough money in his pocket to get a bus ride near his house, it was near by a bus station. He walked onto the bus, paying the bus driver the fee for the ride.

////

When Dan wondered into his empty house, he immediately went to his room with his phone and played music, waiting a minute or two to text Allison.

Dan: Hey babe, sorry that I had to leave early.

Allison: Oh, that's okay, I understand, if it were my grandma, I would do the same thing.

Dan: Allison, I have to tell you something, it was Phil that was in the hospital, and I'm really sorry for lying but my mum called me and I didn't want to explain my situation and stuff, and he's still kind of a friend for me. I'm sorry, really sorry.

Allison: Well, Danny, I'm upset that you never told me before, and you know how I feel about Phil, but I know that he is your friend and I'm glad that you did tell me.

Dan: Thank you, for being an amazing person.

Phil sat in his hospital bed, pondering why Pj and Chris had to find him. He hoped, that maybe, just maybe, things could go right with him and Dan, but they didn't. If Pj and Chris came 10 minutes later, if they never came at all, Phil wouldn't deal with the agonizing pain of not having Dan by his side all the time, and he wouldn't be crying so much.

It felt like he was being torn up, like all the sadness in the world was in his grasp, and he couldn't let go, like he had to be the one who felt everything. Every light and warm feeling in Phil's body was crushed, and he became numb and unstable.

"Phil, sweetie, what's wrong." she knelt down and grabbed his hand tightly, the way Dan usually would.

"It's n-nothing. I just, I'm just thinking about some things." Phil was able to choke out, wiping away tears and putting on a fake-reassuring smile.

"Have you ever gone to therapy, I think it would really help, once you're out of the hospital of course." she requested to him.

"I guess I can give it a shot, if I can get the money." Phil said, "do you think, I could have some more alone time?"

"Of course, of course, just push this little red help button, as we like to call it, when you're ready or need something."

"Actually, can you get a journal from my bag that Pj has?" he asked and waited for her to get it. She returned in about a minute with the black journal, and a pencil. "Thank you."

Phil waited for her to leave before he opened to a specific page. He had a nightmare last night, a detailed one. It was like the angel ones he used to have, only the angel was Dan, and he was evil, and wanted to kill him rather than save him, but Phil still loved him.

Phil felt a bitter cold shiver through his spine, as he remembered the nightmare. He remembered how it felt to have no memory of what happiness was like. Only his worse thoughts and emotions were coming to him and there was no way to escape the monsters inside him because he was becoming one himself.

He looked back at his drawing. It had been Dan with black eyes, black wings, but he was holding hands with Phil, who looked the same way.

"Me and you against the world, babe. What do you say?" Phil whispered and let another tear slip out before he decided he was ready.

Phil's hand reached out to press the glowing-blood red button on the table. More tears began to flow down his face as flashbacks of other times when he needed to press the button, some not even for himself. He hated to press it, just seeing it flash a little brighter when he pushed it, and that clicking sound it made, sending nurses to run into your room, scared that you would leave the world.

He closed his eyes, and put pressure on it, the noise driving him insane. That one trigger was all it took for his world to fall apart.

ALRIGHT SO THAT WAS A SAD CHAPTER BUT I HIT 1K AND I WANTED TO THANK YOU SO I HAD TO UPDATE EARLY

THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT STAYED READ UP TO HERE I KNOW THAT 1K MIGHT NOT SEEM LIKE A LOT TO SOME OF YOU BUT ITS SO MUCH FOR ME

THANKS SO MUCH

Love Always,
Mary xx