Brown Eyes :: Phanfiction

Lost It All ; Chapter One

*6 months foward*

"Please, listen up, we have a new student." Mr. Williams announces. Great, another homophobic kid to make fun of me. But being honest, he's pretty cute. "This is Dan Howell, he's moved here from Wokingham."

He made direct eye contact with Phil, and Dan stared. Of course, another extremely cute guy is going to start hating Phil without getting to know him. Dan sat in a seat right next to him, smiling an adorable smile, and Phil couldn't help but notice how much this boy looked just like the angel from his dreams. The brown, dark eyes resembled the angel's perfectly, even the fringe of his hair was an exact match.

"Hey, I'm Dan." he said to Phil, smiling cutely once again and Phil sighed on the inside. He was getting to know another person that was just once again going to hate him.

"Phil." Phil introduced himself politely.

"Nice to meet you!" Dan said, making Phil laugh a bit, which felt like the first time he was able to smile in ages. "Can I see your schedule, to see what classes we have together?" Dan asked and reached out his hand so Phil could give him the small sheet of paper.

"Here, I take strange classes. I suppose you wouldn't take like AP math or art class."

"No not typically, but we have a few classes together." Dan smiled and the bell rang, time for lunch, Phil's least favourite.

"So, what's the best school lunch here?" Dan asked Phil, who shrugged his shoulders and looked around to see the glares Dan was getting for talking to him, which he couldn't help but feel bad for.

"I'm not sure, but I have to stay in math for extra credit, I'll see you around." Phil lied and waved goodbye to Dan while walking to the library, basically the only place in the school where he felt safe.

Phil loved to read, it was something he was truly passionate about, that and art. He would always love to read a good book like Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's the book Phil read the most, because it's one of his favourites and every time he read it he'd cry. Phil could relate to Charlie in so many ways.

He walked into the library, automatically making eye contact with PJ and Chris. See, PJ and Chris were the only two friends that Phil had. Ever since the begining of high school they've been insepreable. They understand Phil for the obvious reasons, him being gay and them being gay. Chris and Peej have been daiting for over a year now.

"PHIL!" Chris practically shouted across the room. Phil ran over to him glaring, every know and then glancing back making sure that none of the bullies were behind him.

"Did you guys meet the new kid Dan yet?"

"Yeah, he seems pretty cool." Pj answered Phil.

"Come on Peej, let's go get lunch." Chris said, pulling on Pj's hand while they both smiled.

Phil couldn't help but be a bit jealous, after all they did find romance in this crap town full of homophobics. Phil didn't get it, he didn't get why he couldn't have someone to be that close to. He shut his eyes, letting a tear slip out of one, and then he whiped his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip. He wasn't going to cry today. Of course, he would say that to himself everyday, and he'd break a problem to himself.

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"See ya tomorrow, homo." Tommy said, slamming me onto the ground, walking away with his whore of a girlfriend while his friends beat me up in the field, just before their busses pull away, and Phil was left staying at the school, waiting for his shit parents to pick him up from the school, telling him how he's worthless and a complete idiot for missing my bus.

Phil walked into the building, along with one or two other kids that couldn't quite catch their bus. One of the people in the office noticed that he misses the bus a lot, so she would just call his parents for him, for they had the number memorized. Phil was usually caught in the bathroom skipping periods, of course they didn't know this was because he would cry and cut himself in the stalls.

It took about 20 or so minutes for Phils parents to come to pick him up. His mum was smiling, a fake smile of course, and his father didn't even try to hide his hatred for his one and only son. They left the building, his father gripping Phil's arm much too tightly. His dad then threw him on the ground.

"You worthless piece of shit, this must've been the 20th time you missed the bus. This is what you get for being a dumbass." His father, Peter, yelled in his face, alcohol strong on his breath. Phil's father threw a punch to Phil once before pulling out his flask, and spitting on Phil. He then walked to his car, and sat in shotgun, waiting impatiently for Phil and his mum.

When his mother Elouise passed Phil lying on the ground, she kicked him, lightly compared to what Phil was used to, but it still hurt.

"Get up, you pathetic excuse for a son. We just wanted to raise a perfect son and we got you? You little piece of shit, what did we do to deserve shit like you?" Elouise said, spitting on her son, and kicking him one last time, with a bit more force.

"Maybe it's because you're both complete assholes." Phil murmered to what he thought was himself while he got up and wiped dirt off himself. His mother spun around with a twisted look, then opened the car door to the seat where his father was sitting, and whispered to him what just happened.

"You called us what?" he said, his eyes blood shot red.

"Assholes. It's what you are. Well it's what mum is. You're a dick." Phil said bravely and then shrunk back down when his father sauntered over.

"No, you're a dick. You are what you eat, isn't that right? You worthless homosexual, you have a fucking disease and I will not let it get to your brain. Say you're sorry." Peter demanded while shoving him to the groud once again, then pulling him up by his hair.

While he still had his fist on Phil's hair, he started throwing punches to his son's gut. Punch, after punch, after punch, after punch. Phil couldn't help but hurl. He was so done with everything, he got home and took out that little black box.

Phil ran into his room, and lifted up his shirt, so many bruises, and so much fat. People used to tell Phil that he was super skinny, but then he came out of the closet, and everyone called him a fatass. He believed them though, he always thought he was fat.

Phil then opened the lid to the box, and pulled out a small razor. Then he lifted his sleeves.

"This one's for being fat." he cut his skin.

"This ones for being stupid." cut.

"This one's for being gay." cut.

"This one's for being useless." cut.

This continued until he had 10 new cuts, stinging and bleeding.

"What else is new." Phil said, tears streaming down his face as he wiped the blood with a tissue. If his parents ever saw blood on these carpets, they would kill him.

Not that he would mind, he just hated his life, and he just wanted to go.

"You're a worthless peice of shit." Phil whispered in between sobs before cutting again, deep this time. This would typically repeat everyday. All Phil wanted was someone to help him.

But he never would get that.

Was it good? I don't know if it was good, I hope it was.

Please, if you like it, vote and share and comment, because then maybe phan will get together sooner

No just kidding sorry I hate myself

But anyways, if you don't know who Chris and PJ are, well, what are you doing with your life? Idk I just thought that should be clear, so, yeah. I'm just gonna go watch Dan play Outlast because that's basically all I ever do...

So..have a phantastic day..

Ew I hate myself for doing that bye.

Love always,
Mary