Avaricious Hearts

Chapter 40: The Way He Said Those Words

CLEO'S POV

Tumayo si Matthew mula sa pagkakaluhod niya.

He look at me with his questioning eyes. Tears sparkling at each corners of his eyes. And that made my heart aches some more.

I can't stand seeing him hurt. And I hate the fact that I am the one to be blamed for that.

I love this man so much.

And I can risks being judged and rejected than to lose him without a fight.

I hug him as tight as I can. I can't let him go. I want him mine. But I will let him decide if he would still want me in spite of everything dark about me. And I will be holding on the faith that he loves me so much that he will accept me.

"Why? Don't you love me?" He asked in a shaky voice. I know any moment he will cry.

He didn't hug me back. He didn't move. He's just standing there.

"I love you so much" I answered between my tears.

He gripped my shoulders and made me face him.

"Then why? Don't you want to be my wife?" a tear fell on his face.

I wipe his tears away and hug him again.

"I love you so much, baby. I love you more than you can imagine. But I have issues now. I-I discovered something about me. I am a mess" I cried.

He hugs me back this time. "I've been a mess too, an asshole freak. But you stayed with me. Baby, no matter what it is, mamahalin pa rin kita. Trust me"

I do trust you, Matthew.

"I met my real mother" I started

"Huh?" Naguguluhang tanong niya. Inilayo niya ako sa kanya at pinakatitigan. Pilit na pinupunasan niya ang mga luha ko kahit na patuloy naman ang pag-agos.

"Hindi sila Nanay ang tunay kong magulang" I told him the same story I've heard. He just listen intently and kiss my hands from time to time, to calm my shaking system. He didn't say anything, but I know he's with me.

Matapos kong sabihin sa kanya ang kwento kung paano ako napunta kila Nanay ay mahigpit na niyakap niya ako.

"I'm sorry, baby. Wrong timing ako. Hindi ko naman alam na may problema ka ngayon. And I am sorry for not being there. I am too busy preparing, I forgot to ask how are you. I'm sorry, my baby" masuyong sabi niya.

"That's not all, Matt" I said and hold his face in my hands.

I saw sympathy in his eyes.

"I am a product of... incest. M-My parents are cousins" napahagulgol na ako.

Mahirap na nga tanggapin, mas masakit pa pala kapag sasabihin na sa iba.

Nakita ko kung paano siya natigilan.

"Someone immoral like me don't deserve you. Alam ko na anytime ay puputok ang issues, Matt. Ayoko na mahila ko na naman ang mga Vergara pababa. I can't marry you because it will ruin your image. Ayoko na masira na talaga kayo ng mga kapatid mo. I know you can still find someone more decent and presentable"

Para akong sinasaksak sa bawat salitang sinasabi ko. It's like chewing glass and blades on my mouth.

Now, it will be all on him.

I told him what's holding me back.

He stared at me for a long while. I can't stand the intensity of his gaze so I look at his feet.

"I can't believe you" he said in a serious tone. His tone that can make me shiver.

I look at him and I saw hurt and anger in his eyes. His lethal combination.

"Who are you to decide what's right for me?" He said through gritted teeth.

My jaw dropped. This is so wrong!

Fuck! I am so dead.

"Mat-" I tried to hold his hands.

"Ano ba'ng pagkakaintindi mo nang sabihin ko sa'yo na mahal kita? Mababa ba?" Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang ginagap ang mukha ko at hinalikan ako nang marahas sa labi.

He held me in his arms. "Fuck, baby, binabaliw mo talaga ako" narinig ko ang pagsinghot niya. Ang mukha niya ay nakabaon sa leeg ko habang mahigpit niya akong yakap.

"I love you so damn much. I will love you still no matter what" he said firmly. And my heart melts by the way he said those words. "Kahit ano pa 'yan mamahalin kita. You think I would drop you just because you're a product of an immoral act? Tangina kahit malaman ko pa na tayo ang magpinsan, wala akong pakielam! Akin ka. Kahit pa kapatid kita, tatanggapin pa rin kita. Mahal na mahal kita. No rules of law, or even rules of God, can stop me from loving you"

Napahagulgol nalang ako ng iyak.

Hindi ko na maipaliwanag 'yong nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko kayang ilarawan 'yong pakiramdam ng minamahal ng ganitong katindi. 

Hinalikan n'ya muli ako na buong puso ko naman tinugon.

Kinuha n'ya ang kanang kamay ko at hinalikan. Muli, lumuhod s'ya sa harap ko.

"Will you marry me?" tanong n'ya. Tears glittering in his eyes.

Kitang-kita ko ang takot sa mga mata n'ya. Takot na hindi n'ya ko maangkin. And that made my heart ache. 

Sunud-sunod na tumango ako. 

"Yes, baby" I answered. Napahagulgol na ako. "I always dream of marrying you"

Ngumiti s'ya sakin bago tumayo. Isinuot n'ya ang singsing sa daliri ko at muli akong hinalikan.

My heart swell with so much love for this man.

I stare at the ring on my finger. This is so beautiful.

"You like it?" tanong ni Matthew

Ngumiti ako at tumango.

I can't explain the ecstasy I'm feeling. 

This man, the man I love, is willing to accept me despite the darkness I have in me. 

God, thank you for giving me Matthew Neil Vergara.

_____________________