The Tour

27

"My god" I whispered to myself slowly opening my eyes trying my best to ignore the bright light coming through the blinds that were clearly going to make the headache I could feel ten times worse

"Sore head?" I heard Oli mumble next to me before slowly wrapping his arms around me causing me to become a little spoon

"How much did I drink?" I asked knowing I'd probably made a fool of myself somehow

"Not as much as the others but enough to make you drunk you little lightweight" he laughed as I shook my head

"So embarrassing" I replied as he ran his hands through my hair

"Far from it, I did a lot worse before I got sober you just can't handle your drink and that's okay. We still had a good night tho" he said slowly removing his hands from my body and sitting up causing me to groan

"Do you want a tea?" He asked as I nodded pushing myself up knowing if it didn't get up now I'd be in bed all day long. He quickly kissed my forehead before putting some joggers on and leaving kensie's spare bedroom

I grabbed my phone off the side dreading the backlash I was going to see this morning. The only reason I'd drank half as much as I did was to kill the paranoia that Luke had triggered by sending me that message. He never ever wanted to give me a minute of peace and it wasn't fair.

My finger hovered over Twitter as the internal debate continued. Did I allow myself to see the probably hundreds or tweets or do I wait a few days. Even if I did wait a few days it would all still be there. I quickly clicked on the blue and white bird knowing there was no going back now at all.

The same 4 photos seemed to be on rotation through different tweets. Me at the o2 in the box with Kensie. Me and Oli walking to the club. Me and Oli kissing outside the club. A photo of me and Oli hugging inside the club, which had clearly been taken by a fan.

Not one positive word was anywhere to be seen I was being called almost every word under the sun.

5sauce: She is vile she has nerve going back to the tour in a few days after this

Lukescurls: He is sat at home ill, she's in a different country cheating on him. I can't begin to imagine how he feels. We're just sat here watching a 2 year relationship breakdown

Calsbabylon: Luke defended her literally hours before this all happened and she chose to go kiss someone else without a second thought for him. Actually gross.

5sosupdates: Sending Luke all the love possible this is a horrible situation but let's give them both privacy to navigate this!

5sosukfans: We are devastated to see what is currently unfolding. Please keep your positivity going Luke's way!!

Brainwashed they're all brainwashed. I had spent years in agony due to this man's behaviour and never once had anyone called him out on his bullshit but the second I do something they don't agree with it's a wildfire. There didn't seem to be any second thought as to why I was with or had kissed Oli. There was an assumption constantly that Luke and I were okay regardless of if we were causing one another pain constantly.

A tear began rolling down my cheek as I realised not only the fans would have seen these but my family as well. Although they knew we'd split they would be confused as to how I'd moved on "so fast" and how I could ever be so cruel to their perfect dream son in law Luke Hemmings. As I sat there and began to cry a ping of a text ran through the room as my brothers name popped up on the screen

James: I'm taking mum and dad away from their phones today. What they don't know won't hurt them, you've done nothing wrong sis! Remember that please x

A sigh of relief ran through me as I continued to cry. He was one of the few people I knew would have my back but the confirmation was beyond comforting to me.

"Woah I go for 5 mins and you're crying what's going on" Oli said walking in with two cups of tea in his hands

"They hate me they all hate me and and it's all his fault" I cried as he put the teas down and engulfed me into a hug allowing me to cry into his chest

"Nicky please don't let this affect you" he pleaded as I continued to sob "you can't let them get to you, you know the truth they don't"

"But I have to go back. I have to go perform to hundreds of his fans. Fans that now hate me for simply living my life" I cried as he held me closely not saying a word clearly knowing nothing he would say right now could help.

I tried with every ounce of me to find a bone in my body that didn't care but there was so much of me that did. Growing my fan base was helping me achieve my dreams and at every given moment it was trying to be ruined or taken away from me. I wanted it to stop but also wanted to hurt Luke as much as he hurt me but I couldn't stoop to that level I wouldn't allow myself to. For now I had to be the bigger person and simply ignore him and his actions. Subconsciously I know I'm better without him and I need him to see that.