The Tour

31

The usual crowd engagement was less than I expected. Quiet screams when I entered the stage. Dull claps at the end of songs and a lack of crowd engagement when I spoke. The fans were mad and who could blame them. No one had communicated anything with them for months and suddenly they see me with someone else. Someone who isn't the person they think I'm dating.

Although the attention had moved slightly to the upcoming 5sos album there was still no escaping the photos of Oli and I and the hate that came with it. Small amounts of pictures of Luke and I in the airport had surfaced however the fans weren't stupid. They saw through the awkwardness and my fake smile. They knew we were trying to protect our reputations. And they didn't want to be puppets in our game.

The light suddenly hit me and it was suddenly time for me to announce and perform my new song. I coughed lightly as I felt my hand beginning to shake and a pit in my stomach grew. Was this the right thing to do? How would it be perceived? But I loved this song this was my work and I was beyond proud. Proud of myself and proud of being able to co-write it with Oli.

"So if you guys don't mind I'm going to change up my setlist tonight and play something new" I said as a small amount of cheers replied

"This one is called you'd be right. I hope you love it" I said quickly before I turned around facing away from the crowd and taking a deep breath before I started singing.

Oh, oh, no, poor you
I got addicted to someone new
You don't do what he do
What's he gonna do blow a fuse?
Ooh, ooh, no, poor you
Got addicted to how he move
He gets me in the mood without him trying to

Deep breathes overtook my body as I quickly looked at the crowd who had mixed reactions to the first part of my song. Some clearly shocked at the start of the song, others with massive smiles on their faces and others who looked angry. Taking the little energy I had from the crowd I continued singing.

When you gave up on forever said you could do better
Guess you haven't met her oh, no, no
Since you went and lost me
Is it hard to watch me?
Find someone who wants me, oh, no, no, no

If I was to bet
You're trying to guess if I'm in somebody's bed
Wondering if I do the thing that you liked on him darling
You'd be right...

As I continued to sing I didn't really care about the crowd anymore. I'd silenced myself and my emotions for too long. I felt free and part of me hoped that everyone was listing to every last lyric I was singing. As I walked around the stage singing I didn't my usual glance at the side of the stage with a small hope that one of my friends had flown to surprise me. But as usual I was wrong. They couldn't they were busy and that was okay.

However there was the usual figure that was clearly Luke's lurking in the dark by the technicians. Pretending to talk about the lights and sound for 5sos was his trick. He used to pretend to not watch when we first started dating to avoid my nerves getting worse from my boyfriend watching. He'd continued to do it on the sly all tour but I chose to ignore it but this time I couldn't. I felt my body freeze as I got to the last few lines of the song and I saw him glance towards the stage and the last lyrics left my lips as I looked his way.

I'm gonna live your nightmare

Darkness overtook the stage as the song came to an end and I was met with the loudest cheer I'd had all evening from the crowd. Although the song was clearly a bash at the lead singer they'd paid to see they clearly enjoyed it or at least respected my confidence to perform it.

My last few songs seem to fly by before it became time to say my usual thank yous and goodbyes before I swiftly left the stage ready to face the reactions of people I knew and people online.

"Interesting song" I heard Luke mumble as I walked through the hallways to my dressing room

"Thank you I'm glad you liked it" I replied smiling as I looked at me emotionless

"I never said I liked it" he sassed back as I shrugged

"I never asked for your opinion" I snapped back not wanting him stand there and tear it apart and ruin the current high I felt.

"I know" he said taking a few steps closer to me so we were basically touching allowing for him to move a piece of hair away from my face instantly causing a small pit in my stomach to form

"Why are you stood so close to me?" I asked trying to distract myself from the feeling in my stomach

"I miss you Nicky" he whispered as the pit grew stronger

"I can't do this Luke" I muttered taking a step back and beginning to walk away from him wanting to leave whatever was going on at that moment and not have anything progress any further. The pit in my stomach was enough and I didn't want anything else.