The Hot Hockey Player

Chapter 18 - Jude🏒

October comes fast. It was just yesterday the team and I were getting our asses kicked. It's still a bittersweet memory but we do learn by falling sometimes. Training's going good. It's been no less than a month that we've resume training and if it was kind and cool trainings at first, now we're entering the real deal. Coach Reyes told us that a lot of technique would be added to our programmation. Work by pairs, work in trio, off-ice plyometric and maybe the worse of it all : we'll have to work with an ice-figure skater. I get that being more agile on our skates won't hurt us but damn me if I don't say I don't want to spend my training to turn and perform pirouettes on my skates. That's what I would have said to coach had I been suicidal. Fortunately for me, I'm not. So I have no other choice but behave and listen to our female coach who's named Alyssa Donovan. And we'll be seeing her later today actually.

Add to that the fact that I'm a bit stressed these past few days and I'm afraid Maddy might be feeling it.

Who am I kidding ? Of course she felt it. I know I came across as distant and sharp when she spoke to me, but it was just because I was feeling stressed. It wasn't towards her, not at all but I'm stressed over the fact that in three days, on Saturday afternoon, we're kicking off the first of our 82 games in the NHL circuit. And after everything that happened at the end of last season — how we started losing games at the worst possible time, missing out on winning our division title —it still stings a bit from time to time. We didn't make it to the Stanley Cup playoffs, which is the ultimate goal in the NHL, the dream of every hockey player and the natural next step after the regular season. Only sixteen teams make it, and last season, we didn't qualify. So yeah, I can't help feeling the pressure to start strong this season and not repeat last year's mistakes.

I'm actually meeting with Maddy and Sofia, along with Colin at lunch. I don't have class this morning so I decide to hit the gym. It gives me time to think about many things. One of them being the game for sure. But another one being a little someone that came to quickly take a lot of space in my mind. Madeline. We've slept together a few times, we hang out together, we date, we go grocery shopping. We do everything like a couple but our relationship isn't labeled like that. What I know for sure is that I like spending time with her. I can't see my days — nor my nights — without her anymore. The appartement I share with Colin is now full of her presence. Her books slowly taking place in my room, some of her clothes, her products. But I'm not complaining because I freaking love it. 

She finally moved with Sofia last week. Colin and I helped a bit. So did her brother — which one I still didn't came across. Apparently, he wasn't to fond of letting her go that fast. But she told me they settled and had a conversation. About many things, especially after she told him she didn't want to invade him and his space as she's already done. "You should have seen his face Jude. I thought I almost broke him. I didn't intend to be mean , I truly want to spend time with him but I don't want to be a burden," she then told me. 

As I load my barbell for squats, my mind drifts back to how I tried to sit down and explain her that he probably only wants the best for her and care for her. I don't know the guy but I'm speaking from experience. My own sister, Lena, has always had my back, stepping in when needed. And she'd still do it even though I'm quite big enough now. But my older sister is a fighter and every older sister I bet. They don't back down when it comes to protect those they care about and they'll even go to war to keep things right. If I had the chance to chose my sister, I'd chose her. And the thought of introducing Maddy to her has been a perpetual thought in my mind these past few days, but given that Maddy and I don't even officially call ourselves a couple, I find this to be challenging.  How am I supposed to tell my sister about her ? How do I explain something so important to me, but also undefined. 

Is she my girlfriend ?

Even I  don't know what we are and that bothers me a bit. No one truly knows how much time we do actually spend together, how close we are. Only Colin and Sofia to be honest. And I'm almost one hundred percent sure that my teammates know the full picture. It's impossible not to figure things out : all the smiles, the sneaky remarks, the jokes... They're not really subtle. But they don't push, which is a relief. So I'm taking my time and I actually enjoy keeping things a bit private, only to us both. 

But eventually, the more I think about it, the clearer it gets : we really should be doing something about this. After a while and some 'me-moment thinking', I know it's time to talk to Maddy about this, figure it all out together before we even think of going public. 

With that clarity sight, I wrap up my workout, head to the showers and quickly get ready for class. The morning pass rather quickly and soon, it's lunch time. When I spot Maddy waiting for me just outside my classroom, I feel a familiar buzz of excitement. I don't know what this girl has done to me but she did it pretty good.

"Hey, " I tell her.

She smiles and I lean to kiss her "Hey you,"

With Colin, a few of our teammates and the girls, we're heading for the queue. Everyone is talking in small groups. I see Maddy talking with Casper, the new guy and she tries to include William into their conversation but fail. I don't even know how Casper managed to bring him nor why he bothered to.

If I have to describe myself, I'd say I'm a rather patient guy. When something I enjoy bothers me, I can be angry. But most of the time, I'm calm. Okay, maybe not as much as Colin, but still. I know a lot of guys who would be angry for so much less. And William O'Brien is getting on my nerves. As captain, I'm trying my best to be there for him, to try and understand him, to include him even. Once, I even asked him, straight up, if something was bothering him.Every time, I get stonewalled. And basically, it's just mission impossible with him. 

Maybe I'm approaching it the wrong way, I know getting people to open up doesn't come naturally to me; but as a captain, I need to show compassion and friendship. And I really care about it, that's not the problem. I enjoy this role. I'm just a bit weird I guess. And it's worse with William because basically I'm running into a wall every time. The message is pretty clear know : he'd rather I back off.  

Still, I'm okay when me or one of the guys are on the receiving end of his sulking shithead. But he started aiming his crap at someone I care about and maybe he doesn't know it, but he crosses a line.

"You could be more gentle don't you think." I say with a stern voice. I'm done with his attitude.

I manage to silence the whole group with one intervention. Maddy tries to intervene "Jude... That's okay," and I'm not even angry at her because that's just who she is. I know that on more sensible matters, she would have my back. Still, I just want him to stop fighting every chances he gets. I know some people don't like human contact, even when it's only a bit of talking but it would change everyone's life if he was willing to accept someone's hand.

I tap my fork into my tray, irritation bubbling up, "No. I'm done. What's your fucking problem ? I've been nice. These guys have been nothing but nice. And dude, we see each other more than I see my own mother so you start to be nice. That'd be better for anyone." I say, my voice cooling a bit at the end. 

I can understand how tough it can be, coming from an other continent to a new team, one that is tight-knit and friendly, not feeling at ease and like you fit in. I get that. But unfortunately for him, he's involved in a group and has to behave. Being uncomfortable or unsure doesn't excuse shutting everyone out. He has to put in the effort to at least try. 

I truly hoped that my words would have had an impact but it appears he just wants to fight me. "Or what ?"

"Or I'll make you. Apologize. Now !" I bark, rage filling my eyes. 

He looks right in my eyes and without blinking an eye, he says, "Make me."