The Hot Hockey Player

Chapter 25 - Madeline 🌸

I exhale sharply, my chest tightening as I fight against all the emotions threatening to eat me alive. Unconsciously, I grab my chest and can feel Jude's stare as I'm doing so. But I don't give a damn. 

Her voice keeps replaying in my head. She doesn't have a single valuable argument, I know that. She's repeating the same thing over and over again, like a broken record but fuck, it hurts so much. I'm not rotten, I have a good heart, I love helping people. I'm a fucking people pleaser for God sake, that's what I am. I can't help it. And I know that, so why do I feel tears coming from the back of my eyes ? Why does her judgment sting so much ? 

I don't know who that Isabella is, but I get that she was someone important for him. So important, it left him a fucking open wound in his heart. One that apparently even his sister isn't able to ignore. My throat feels tight and my vision blurs. I blink rapidly, trying to chase the tears forming in the corner of my eyes. Why did he just stood there, silently participating in this humiliation ? 

I need to get out of here. I can't breathe. I need to stay away from his silence, cutting me deeper than I'll ever thought it would. Forget the defending part, I just wanted him to stop his sister's acidic words to get out of her mouth. He's not saying anything and God, I wish he was. His sister is mean, that's what she is. Even if I can understand her biases, it doesn't give her any right to talk about me like that, she didn't even looked at me. She just assumed things about me and I despise that more than anything. She brands me as something I'm not. A parasite, a placeholder, a piece of shit. And he let her, never stoping her. And the time he tried, it was just to give himself good conscience. I can deal with a lot of things but I hate when people judge me without knowing who I am as a person.

My so called boyfriend seems to see the trouble in my eyes and try to hold my arm as I rise. I just have time to feel his gentle fingers, craving them almost, as I'm passing through a bunch of hockey players who were present during the whole scene his sister made. I find Colin's stare first and it's pity I see in them. He doesn't even try to hold me and I'm grateful for that right now. But Jude's doesn't understand.

I snap, turning on my heels to face him and heading toward him. He's surprised, judging by the way his eyebrows reach the sky, "Get off me." I tell pointedly. I can't deal with this right now, I want to be alone. I need to be alone.

"Maddy, please..."

My voice cracks when I speak, despair filling my words. He freezes, his hands falling to his sides. His eyes are nothing but hurt. And yet, it's not near enough to make me stay and making him my priority.. 

"No Jude. You made your point right now. If I remind you so much of that girl, then why ?" I ask, my voice trembling  "Why did you engaged in a relationship with me if I'm just a reminder of something bad that happened to you ? 

"Maddy, that's not—"

I straighten up, locking eyes with him as I prepare to speak, "Why would you want a relationship with me ? I can be your tape to patch things up, I can do that. You can use me to heal, but you can't use me as a reminder of someone you used to have and can't have anymore."

He's panicking right now and it might be mean, but I'm glad he is. Maybe he'll understand what's wrong then, "No, that's not—"

I scoff, the sound bitter in my throat, anger taking over. "Then what is it ?!"

He closes his eyes, certainly trying to chose his words. "Just. Don't listen to what Lena said, she didn't mean anything by it."

Just when he says that, I catch his sister's smug expression, her arms crossed in something that looks like satisfaction. I wait a few seconds for Jude to say something but as I'm waiting for any king of interaction between the two, I'm welcome by silence. I can feel my blood pressure rising. I take a shaky breath, my lips trembling as I barely manage to hold back the tears. And fuck, it's hard.