The Hot Hockey Player

Chapter 26 - Madeline 🌸

"Maddy ?"

Who's that ?

"Maddy?"

Why is everything shaking like this ?

"Madeline !" a man's voice finally shouts louder now, firm but with something close to desperation. 

Loud enough to pull me from the haze of my sleep. I force my eyes open, trying to figure out what's happening. My heart is pounding, thoughts racing. It's just like I've been woken up from a nightmare. 

"You're okay. It's just me." The same voice continues. A voice I'd recognize anywhere.

Jude is here, in my room.

I don't look at him. Not immediately anyway. I'm aware of his presence and I'm fully awake. I'm trying at the same time to make sense of what's happening. 

But slowly, I don't have no choice left other than acknowledge his presence. 

"Sofia let me in, even though I almost had to make a scene for her to agree. Ha."

He attempts a laugh, but I can't do it. I can't laugh, I just... I can't. Usually, I'm always trying to muster up some happiness, even in situations where I don't particularly want to. But right here, right now. I can't fake it. My stomach churns and I feel like I'm seconds away from breaking apart all over again. 

"Okay, too soon," he says, rubbing the back of his neck in an awkward move before adding, "I was hoping we could talk ?"

"We ?" I couldn't help myself but ask, my tone sharper than I intended.

Jude flinches, his confidence fading. "No, not we. Me. I need to talk to you and mostly, I need to apologize."

"Why ?" I ask, my voice trembling from exhaustion. I think I'm realizing, despite what Sofia and I talked about that... I'm not in a place where I can welcome another person who will hurt me. I can't do it. I don't have the strength to do it and I'm done faking it. Faking my happiness, my well-being. 

"For how I let my sister talk to you. I should have intervened way sooner but I didn't. Why ?" He asked no one in particular. "I'd be lying if I said I have a good answer. I froze Madeline. That's what happened. My brain just shut down. And believe me, Colin and the guys gave me hell for it after Lena left."

The guys had my back ? My chest tightens, but this time from happiness. Relief.  Maybe, and just maybe... if Jude doesn't want me anymore, I could still have a few friends. I can't help the small smile that slips onto my face and Jude notices. His lips mirror mine and a hesitant smile is plastered on his face as he adds. "They really like you and I get why. Frankly ? I wouldn't have taken my side either if I were them."

His admission feels good but the ache inside me doesn't is still strong.  "You hurt me Jude," I finally whisper.

"I know," he replies, regret in his voice. "And I'm so, so sorry."

I snap. I know he's apologizing but it's to easy. 

"You can't just fuck things up, come to me with an apology like that and expect it to fix it. It's too easy." My emotions are getting the better of me. "You let her — your sister — spit in my face those horrible things and you didn't say a damn word ! I get that she's your sister and she probably things that she's protecting you and I get that. I really do Jude. I do have a brother and I want the best for him too but why the snarky comments ? Why the judgement ? I didn't ask for any of that."

I pause, my voice breaking. I take a deep breath, not even trying to look at him in the eyes. I don't want to, or I'll stop. And I do have things to say. "If you didn't want to be in a relationship with me, if I'm not what you thought you wanted — which I can understand — then say it and let me go."