The Hot Hockey Player

Chapter 27 - Jude 🏒

I sigh because coming in here, I knew I'd have to talk about that. I expected it and I try to prepare as best as I could. And I'd by lying if I say that I'm not a bit scared. Scared to tell her but also scared to think about it all over again. Isabella really did a number on me.

To be honest, the way Maddy asks me is way nicer than I would have thought. I owe it to her to tell her about Isabella. And I should have done it way sooner. It's my fault for being a coward. It's my fault for letting my past get the best of me.

Isabella was my real first love. I didn't experienced that much relationships before her and I sure as hell didn't had sex everyday with so many different girls. The only kind of play I had was hockey. I was and still am a player in that sense. When I think about it, I can tell just how much different from some athletes I am.

But I also know how much a girl can change you. John is the perfect exemple. Before meeting Katia, he jumped on everything with a vagina and two tits. He was unstoppable and honestly, exhausting. Even I, couldn't comprehend the logic behind his antics. It's like he was trying to fill a void by always having someone with him ; was is us, his friends or girls. What I mean is that Katia happened to him and turns out she was the one stopping his nonsense dead in its tracks. I don't always understand it and I don't really know their history entirely and I probably never know its entirety. But what I do know ? Let me tell you, that was something. He was a freaking fireball, ready to destroy everything and maybe even himself. But the fireball had transformed into something much brighter, much lighter. It wasn't burn that awaited, it was lightning.

Anyway, when I met Isabella, she was everything I wanted in a relationship. Kind, funny, gorgeous and more than anything, she had my back. Or so I thought. Now, with some perspective, I don't know how I didn't see that she was the devil himself.

"I don't really like talking about her. Because... Because it hurts me to know how an idiot I've been. I'm a bit ashamed actually but just so you know, as a disclaimer, I don't have any feelings left for her. Except hate."

She listens and that's enough for me to keep going. "That's mostly the reason why I didn't told you about her right away. And maybe because I didn't wanted too." I say and I can feel her eyes widening up. Shit. I don't want her to think that I was keeping this away from her, because I wanted to harm her. "But, Isabella was my first girlfriend and the first girl I loved. I thought I was going to end up with her, I was ready to marry her. I even bought a ring and I was actually going to ask her the day she broke up with me," I quickly add.

She frowns, maybe not expecting the story going that way.

"She broke up with me the day I was getting on my knee because she didn't except that. She didn't loved me like that and all she really wanted was to get my money and make a name to herself in this society. To be with Jude Miller, one of the greatest Hockey Player in the NHL. Please, imagine," I laugh bitterly, my tone dropping with sarcasm. "I was nothing but a trophy."

Saying it out loud hurts more than I expected. My palms are clammy and I can feel a drop of sweat trickling down my back. I think she can see that it's really something I'd rather not talk about but she wants answers and I owe it to her. Too many consequences have emerged from this fucked up relationship and it affects Maddy in a way I'd never wanted to. But I know she understands, even if she's still a bit angry with me.

"Were you already in the NHL when you were dating ?" she asks softly, her tone cautious yet curious.

"At first nah," I admit. "But not even one year later, I got recruited and signed my first contract. She was so happy for me back then and it seemed genuine when in reality, she was just happy for her." I let out a sigh, the memory bitter.