The Hot Hockey Player

Chapter 38 - Jude🏒

"Let's fucking get them !" I roar in the locker room, the words vibrating through my chest. And I feel them. 

Soon after, a collective response made up of some 'yeah' and a lot of 'let's fucking go' erupts in the room, fueling the fire already present in our veins. The passion echoes through each and every one of us. As the guy pass me, I have a nice word for each and every one of them, gripping shoulders and tapping helmets. My type of encouragement.

 I might not be playing tonight but I'm their captain and I won't let them down.

Tonight is the last game of our almost two-week stretch. We've been traveling a lot, only coming back home for one game. I saw Maddy for what felt like one minute. I came home, we slept, we ate and that was about it. 

The next morning, I was at the gym then at the physio. I basically stayed all day long at the rink to help however I could without exhausting myself even more. We played against the Winnipeg Jets. 

We won.

And the next morning we were on the road again. 

She was at the game, I saw her. And it felt weird — if not weird — not playing while Maddy was were, but eventually I shake it off. 

I hate myself in times like this. Injured, hurt, mad, sad. I'm trapped in my own fucking head. And a lot of people don't understand that we're human before being athletes. And sometimes, it just get to me. The comments, the noise, the medias and the worst of it : me. 

So, I try to close myself off in front of people. But Maddy sees it, sees me before I do. She came and shake all of it off. She knows when to let me deal with my frustration but she also knows when I'm self sabotaging. She always knows how to pull me out of it. 

And I love that about her.

She sees things nobody else can see and she helps me : growing up, maturing and above everything else : stay positive. I'm just an open book with her. She's patient, even if I don't always deserve it.

We had a tiny argument about it. I told her that she couldn't possibly understand what it takes to be a hockey player. To be an athlete in general. She considered it, and actually agreed. I was shocked because I was waiting for her to outbid but she didn't. 

She said to me, "You're right. I don't understand because I'm not an athlete. But I do know that the way you're processing all of this is so wrong for you Jude. It's not even working." 

She explained things to me like I was at school. And guess what ? I fucking listened to her, because I can't do otherwise. She told me that it was fine to be pissed after a loss. To be frustrated and feel like the world is wrong. But that mindset 24/7 ? Always being pessimist does nothing but eat up energy. And fuck she's right. 

She always is. 

To think that this woman is mine is the best gift I ever had. Getting my first signed jersey at a conference in Nashville doesn't come even close and trust me, it'd been the peak of my life for so long. 

One more game and we're home for the next week. 

One more game and I get to see Maddy. 

One more game and I can resume intense training. I can resume being me. Doing what I love the most. 

Aside a few drills and light cardio sessions, I haven't been doing much. The three next games will be home games and I can't wait to play. November 2nd, that's the due date. And I crossed it everywhere — phone, laptop, fridge...

With that in mind, all the energy comes running back. The guys are ready and waiting in the hall. 

Colin is the last guy and he's still sitting on the bench. It's weird, it's been a few days already but I can feel the lack of energy coming from him. I don't know what's happening but tonight, I can feel his head is not in the game.