Forever? Change.

Chapter 24

"So, what now?" Jared asked as we were talking silently inside his room.

"Ayoko nang bumalik doon. Ayoko na. Di ko na--" A hug cut me off.

I was sobbing. I was in major sadness. But what he just did, cut me. Cut me off from crying, from being sad, from feeling alone. I couln't feel anything but this. His hug. The warmth he is giving. The comfort I am recieving. It feels weird that Jared, the brother of my ex-boyfriend, who I am not that close with, is comforting me... Here with me.

I couldn't help myself and I cried out. I sobbed in his arms. I was happy and sad all at the same time. It's like I'm being numb but all at a different phase. It feels like nothing, but all of this is everything.

I was left behind, but now I can still say that I am still not alone.

***

"Thank you, Jared."

"Okay lang yun! Tutal, malaki naman 'tong apartment ko. And, magisa lang ako dito. It feels so lonely in here, you know."

"Okay, as a sign of gratitude... Pwedeng pahiram ako ng kitchen mo? Ipagluluto kita."

"Hmm, huwag na! Ako na!" He walked towards the kitchen but I ran.

"Please? I would be greatful if I serve for you!" I made some random puppy eyes in front of him even though I look extremely hagard because of those shxtty drama.

"Fine." He roled his eyes. "But, make sure you won't ruin my dearest kitchen."

"Okay!" I excitedly but tiringly ran inside.

I checked his fridge and, oh my god. I'm gonna enjoy cooking here.

I decided to cook my specialty. My special adobo. Hihi. Simple pero engrande.

"Jared, you like maanghang?" I yelled asking him.

"Hmm, yeah. Sige."

Edi tatadtarin ko ng luya ang adobong ituu. Hihi. My special adobo has ginger. Lots of ginger.

Wait, may problema ako diba? I actually have problems. Nakakatawang isipin na sa kabila ng mga problema ko, I still act like nothing's gone wrong.

*after dinner*

"Zerina, I really liked your adobo. Napadami tuloy ang kain ko." Jared stated as he was rubbing his tummy like a full gorilla.

"Busog na busog ah!"

And some random awkward silence was covering the room while were both awkwardly watching tv.

"Jared, wala ka ba talagang ideya kung nasaan si Kyle?" I cut off the silence with a cracked voice.

"Sorry, Zerina. I really have no idea where the hell did my fxcking brother and my fxcking father went to." Jared sadly yet madly answered.

"Bakit ba galit na galit ka sa kanilang dalawa?" I asked.

"Simple lang, hindi sila naging mabuti sa akin."

"Wow, Jared. I'm pretty sure na papa niyo ni Kyle ang nagbabayad sa appartment mong to and ang gumagastos sa mga expenses..." Ok so I actually went too far, oops. "... Oops..."

"Fyi, Ms. Delfaña, mother ko ang nagbabayad nito. She's in New York. Isa siya doong Fashion Designer."

"Oh. I thought... Oh my gosh I'm sorry. Anyways, mahirap?"

"Mahirap ang ano?"

"Ito."

"Anong ito?"

"Ito! Itong sitwasyon mo. Yung mother mo, nasa ibang bansa. Yung father mo, illegal."

He just coldly stared at the television and watched what was on it.

"I'm sorry for asking..."

"I'm sorry for being impolite, not answering your question..."

I can see it in him. Kasing age ko lang siya. And I can tell na, masyado pa siyang bata to conquer such things as this. I mean, 2 years ago niya lang nalaman kung sino ang tatay niya and kasabay nun ang pagalis ng mama niya. It probably hurts him a lot. And If Iwas in his place, siguro shattered into pieces na ang puso ko.

"Mahirap." He finally answered.

After nung matipid niyang sagot, hindi ko na siya nireplyan pa. Hindi ko na tinanong pa kung bakit. Di ko na tinanong pa kung kaya niyang i-describe kung anong nararamdaman niya. I just gazed upon his eyes and knew what he was exactly feeling. I stared at those sad, cold eyes as if I was reading an extremely dramatic yet meaningful poem. Words probably couln't explain what I was seeing but this, the fact that he is acting strange, speaks louder than any word you can find in the dictionary that can explain it.

I was shocked to see tears rolling down his cheeks. And he looked at me.

When he was looking at me, I felt him. I felt everything what I was feeling back then. Everything. Everything is going back to me. The things that I almost forgot came back to my mind and once again shattered my almost-okay heart.

My family betrayed me.
My best friend left me behind.

I could probably take those,

But this, the fact that he left me without any words spoken, broke me.

I don't know, maybe they were right. Everything they said was right.

“Nothing hurts more than being left without any explanations.”

I caught myself crying. Tears were in my cheeks. I was showing weakness infront of a man, brave enough to cry in front of me.

I couldn't find my calm space, I couldn't find myself and let the emotions out and feel it all.

He rapidly hugged me and gave me a comforting warmth.

His warmth was reminding me of somebody--everything. It reminds me of the way how they all hugged me and how it was fake. It was making me feel everything.

And I was lucky enough what was the other thing it was making me to feel.

That I am not alone even how lonely I think I am. That there is still somebody out there, willing to give me their shoulder to cry on.

What could you expect us to do? Nothing. He was just hugging me in that couch. It was so long that I almost forgot how everything hurts.

Silence was once again in the air. There are the sounds from the television but I can't hear them. All I can hear is his heartbeat, and the awkward silence between him and I.

"Let's be alone together."