struggle ↠ mgc [on hold]

8

autumn

"It's 1am," Autumn pointed out, rubbing her eyes.

She was undoubtedly tired and drained of energy and just talking was strenuous.

"I-I know but I just need to speak to you." Ashton said shakily.

"What about? I'm so tired," Autumn yawned, putting her phone on speaker and resting her head on the table.

"Why you didn't want to see me when you were in hospital?"

That sentence woke her up.

Of course Ashton was bound to bring up the past at some point and Autumn would be fine with discussing it but in her groggy state she didn't.

"It was over two years ago," She groaned, lifting her head up, resting her chin on her hands.

"I know. I-I just want to know," Ashton stammered.

Sighing, Autumn rubbed her forehead and images of that night appeared in her head. They flitted through her thoughts, making it difficult to string the right words together to answer Ashton's question.

The only person she discussed this with was her psychiatrist who could practically read her thoughts.

Yes, at one point, Ashton was the person who could read Autumn like a book but she had changed considerably since then so it was different.

"It wasn't me who made that decision. I had just tried to kill myself and my mum thought that you being near me would just make me worse. I even asked but she had told them that you were partly to blame for my attempted suicide which was obviously not true," She elucidated, her words all flooding out at once.

"I-I uh didn't know." His tone sounded sympathetic and sad.

Autumn could always tell when people pitied her. It was mainly her family and they would visit her and bring her gifts and tell her that 'things were going to be okay'. Her mother tried to keep Autumn's illness a secret but it wasn't easy to explain why she had been gone for nearly a year.

"It's fine."

Fine. Wow, if Autumn had counted how many times she had said that word it would definitely be in the thousands.

"So, you're...better now?" Ashton asked uncertainly.

"I still have depression but I take medication. I'm not planning on jumping off the nearest building," Autumn laughed, trying to humour herself because the conversation was dull and somber and she didn't want it to be.

There was a few seconds of silence as Ashton was probably trying to comprehend everything.

"What happened when you left hospital?" Ashton enquired curiously.

"I went to the psychiatric ward which was pretty much part of the hospital anyway and stayed there for ten months."

That was definitely the most sepulchral time of her nineteen years alive.

"Ten months?" He gulped.

"Yeah," Autumn sighed, fiddling with her bracelet.

"Are you going to tell Luke and Michael about this?" He asked her earnestly.

"If I continue to be friends with them then I guess I will eventually."

She wasn't very good at sustaining friendships with people and wouldn't be surprised if Luke and Michael both found her annoying. "I just don't want them to think I'm a psycho."

"They aren't going to think that, trust me."

michael

For the rest of that evening, all Michael could think about was Autumn.

It bewildered him how he couldn't get her out of head because he didn't really know her.

Ashton told him she was complicated and he didn't know what he meant.

A part of him was convinced that he was thinking about her just because she was the prettiest girl Michael had ever
seen but the other part was genuinely intrigued to know more about her.

But how could he when his best friend wanted to as well?

So, after realising that he was overthinking it all, he grabbed his phone and decided to text Autumn.

1:44am
to autumn: hii

Whilst doing random things on his phone, Michael notice that on his previous calls Autumn's name was there.

He didn't remember answering a call from her. Someone else must have and it was blatant as to who.
Luke.

autumn

Ashton and Autumn had a short conversation about school and what people they both knew were doing now.

He told her that he would ring in the morning and they said their goodnights.

For Autumn, it was hard to believe she had just had a conversation with Ashton because two days ago she hadn't spoken to him for two years.

Feeling utterly exhausted, Autumn pulled herself up the stairs and as soon as Autumn was in her bed she fell asleep.

//

(if u see this press that star thingy thanks so i know how many ppl are actually reading this lol)

5 yrs of one direction can u hear me crying oMG