~deepika.~ (REGRETAVATOR STORY)

67

Pest: "Albert..."

Pest wipes his mouth with a napkin, then looks at Albert. The Collymores are having dinner at their house again.

Pest: "How was school today?"

Albert: "Okay."

Albert: (continued) "Lampert Howard was absent."

Pest: "Oh..."

Albert: "He was afraid of the math test."

Pilby: (joins in on the conversation) "So he stayed home?"

Albert: (looks at Pilby) "Yeah, he cut."

Pilby: "That's terrible! His parents..."

Albert: "Hm. They don't know yet, they're still on vacation."

Pilby: "Well they are gonna be upset."

Pilby ate some of their salad.

Albert: "Well, Lampert's gonna be pretty upset when he finds out that the test was canceled."

Pest looks at Albert.

Pest: "What happened?"

Albert: "Mrs. Hood was absent also."

Pilby chuckles.

Pest: "Did you call Lampert and tell him?"

Albert: "Yeah but... but there was no answer."

Pilby: "Was Mrs. Hood sick then?"

Albert: "Well... everyone said she was too strung out."

Pilby: "Now why do people say things like that?"

Pilby found it rude.

Albert: "Because she's... a drug addict."

Pilby: "And how do you know?"

Albert: (looking at Pilby) "Dad, everyone knows."

Pilby: "Well I didn't know, did you know Pest?"

Pest sipped some water.

Pest: "No."

Pilby: "Mhm...you hear that Albert?"

Albert was eating, he pauses that.

Albert: "Well," (looks at Pilby) "it's what everyone says, she's a junkie and she's probably gonna get fired. It's really sad."

Pilby: (raises voice slightly) "Well if Mrs. Hood turns out in fact to be a junkie then she should be fired! Don't you think so Pest?"

Pest: "I don't know. Don't you think that's... a little harsh?"

Pest: (continued) "I mean... it's not affecting her work."

Pilby: "Well apparently it is! And no in fact I don't think it's a little harsh at all! Well I'm sorry but when it comes to drug abuse and children, MY children... they should be locked up and throw away the key!"

Pilby: (turns to Albert and continues) "Albert I want you to know something if you ever think of doing drugs and end up dying in a hospital, I'd disown you. That's how strongly I feel about it..."

Pest: (thinking Pilby is overreacting) "Pilby..."

Pilby: "No I know I may sound harsh but I'm talking about our kids! Not to be grandiose but this is the future... the future of our country we're talking about after all..."

The telephone rings.

Pilby: (stands up) "I'll get it..."

Pilby huffs lightly then they pick up the phone.

Pilby: "Hello? Who's calling please?"

Pilby: (continued, on the phone) "Oh hi... sure, hold on..." (Looks at Pest, has the phone of their shoulder) "It's Emerson Anderson."

Pest: "Oh..." (stands up from his seat) "great."

He walks over to Pilby.
Pilby hands him the phone.

Pest: (takes the phone) "Thanks."

Pilby: "Mhm." (They when to go sit back down at the dinner table)

Pest looks over at the dinner table: he sees Albert and Craig still eating and is now joined by Pilby. Then Pest puts the phone up to his ear.

Pest: (sounding upbeat) "Hey Emerson! What's up? How's Poob doing?"

Emerson: (in a VERY angry and stern tone, almost sounding demonic) "You're a DEAD man."

Then the dial tone is heard. Pest's slight smile starts to fade away...
Then he looks at the dinner table again to make sure nobody jas heard that.

Pest: (looks away from dinner table, trying to sound upbeat again despite what just happened) "Oh... good! Good... no problem!"

Pest: (continued) "Right... okay well, take care...!"

Pest starts putting the phone on the hook.

Pest: "Bye..."

Pilby: "How's Poob doing?"

Pest: (looks a bit paranoid) "Uh..." (his mouth is slightly open) "fine...!"  (Emerson's words are stilling ringing in his head) "fine...never better."

Pilby: "Good. We bought those "Moana 2" tickets for tomorrow I don't think Albert has anyone else."

Pest: (walking slowly towards the dinner table) "Uh...um... no, he did cancel-"

The doorbell rings.