Instant Mommy

Chapter 25

"What?" Halos pabulong iyong lumabas sa bibig ko.

"Baby, she is Jayden's mother but she was never my wife." Napatitig lang ako sa kaniya parang mas lalo lang akong nalito.

"Hindi... Jacob, hindi ko maintindihan." Unti-unti kong binawi ang kamay kong hawak niya kanina.

"Jayden isn't my son." Nanigas ako sa kinauupuan ko.

"W-What do you mean?" Tumayo ako mula sa kama nang hindi ko namamalayan.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin na hindi mo anak si Jayden?" Nakita kong napapikit siya. His shoulders slumped as though the words themselves were too heavy to carry.

"Jayden is my nephew."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. Nanatili lang akong nakatayo sa gitna ng kwarto habang nakatitig kay Jacob. Hindi nagsi-sink in sa akin ang naririnig ko.

"Nephew?" Mahina kong ulit.

Yumuko siya at ipinatong ang dalawang siko sa mga hita niya habang pinagdikit ang mga palad sa harap ng mukha niya.

"I have an older brother. His name was Jared." Unti-unti akong naupo ulit sa gilid ng kama, hindi inaalis ang tingin sa kaniya.

"He was everything I wanted to become." Napangiti siya nang mapait.

"He met Lalaine when they were in college. They fell in love, got married and had Jayden." Tumahimik siya sandali. Mahigpit niyang ikinuyom ang kamao niya bago muling nagsalita.

"For a while they were happy but things changed. Lalaine changed. Palagi na silang nag-aaway and one day she left." His jaw clenched.

"He left my brother and Jayden. He was barely a year old." Nanikip ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang maliit na si Jayden.

"Kuya begged her to stay. He kept calling her and going to her parents. Doing everything he could but she never came back." Bumaba ang tingin ko sa nanginginig niyang kamay.

"Then one night, someone told my brother they saw Lalaine. She was with another man." Unti-unti niyang ikinuyom ang kamaya niya.

"It was raining that night. I kept telling him not to go, but he wouldn't listen. He said he'd just talk to her. He said he'd try to get his family back. He left Jayden with me that night... and I didn't even know what to do with him." Mariin niyang ipinikit ang mata niya.

"That was the last time I saw him alive." Nakita kong napayuko siya. His shoulders trembled.

"There had been an accident and when I got to the hospital I was too late." Lumunok siya.

"I didn't even know what to do back then. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Not even for my brother. I was devastated. But what broke me the most was Jayden." His jaw tightened as he stared blankly at the floor.

"He didn't even know what was happening. He was barely a year old yet he had already lost both of his parents." He slowly lifted his gaze to mine, the guilt in his eyes still evident even after all those years.

Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin.

Unti-unting bumalik sa isip ko ang gabing nawala ang mga magulang ko. The memories I had tried so hard to bury resurfaced one by one. The flashing lights. The suffocating silence after receiving the news. The unbearable feeling of waking up the next day knowing nothing would ever be the same again.

Napapikit ako habang pilit na nilulunok ang namumuong sakit sa dibdib ko.

"I couldn't even look at Jayden properly that night. The moment I held him, I felt responsible for him. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how to raise a child but I couldn't leave him with Lalaine. Because if she truly loved my brother... if she truly loved Jayden she would've never abandoned them in the first place." He lowered his head again, exhaustion and years of buried pain written all over his face.