_Land Of Lotus °• ✿

Dire in need of thyself for myself

I remember after the exam, looking up to the blurry sky,
in my mind, a camera was held high enough once again ;
to randomly take a series of pictures of the sky.
It certainly looked blurry.
There were also many blurred pictures, but I could always find one or two unfamiliar faces having a connection within them, clear and vivid.
I lowered my head to look amidst the noisy and excited sea of people. My heart suddenly calmed.
It's true, human nature is to get used to things, and once we get used to it, we, no longer worry about the results.
Perhaps my own smile is rather a tragic thing cuz I'm not used to it yet. You know the feeling of holding hands of thyself and feeling the coldness of your fingertips?
Coldness ....as cold as a dead body's.
My brain has already stopped working.
"Why is your hand so cold? It's just a class test, you can cover up with the final exam. It'll be over right after you close your eyes!"
I diligently wanted to write everything down with my black ink pen, writing until the entire test paper was pretty much packed full with my handwriting. I tried to submerge the white paper within the black waves that I created. But what now? I don't have the energy to study anymore. There are still 2 more exams left. I have lost my mental support.
But time passes pretty fast, leaving no minute, no second even not a single bit of sympathy for our torment.
"The relationship between efforts and results - it would be so great if it really could be calculated with a formula,"
If it were like that, people would be so much less hurt.
Then again I realise, I didn't put the effort in reality rather did spend them on thinking.
When I was little, I envied Nobita because he had Doraemon. Nobita was stupid ever since his childhood and he couldn't do anything, couldn't finish anything. But he didn't even have to be nervous because he owned a blue stuffed animal who climbed out of his drawer from nowhere, and the blue animal would help him by bringing out gadgets.
When I was little, I had the thought of opening up my drawer every day after I got home from school to check it. I didn't know when my Doraemon would come.
Now a part of this dream is realized, I became Nobita, a lazy person, a person who waste time on nothing, simply nothing.
Thinking makes me tired, so tired that I can't think anymore. I turn to look at the led light over my reading table, but I can't see the dust like glitter anymore .