Taste (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 56*

HARRY STYLES

The heavy sounds of amplified guitars mixing with the melting heat from lights burning down on me was enough to make my head spin. I wasn't fully considering how tough it would be to have a day out and about with Elle and the group, then go straight into sound check and then a show, but here I was. I was running thin, but that's what the time on the plan was for tomorrow morning, to finally relax right?

I already set up the much needed plans of getting Elle's flight canceled so that she had no choice but to be in the jet with me, and that meant cuddles and hopefully some restful sleep, because it always was better sleeping with her. I don't care how restless her legs got at 3 am, or the light hums that follow her when she finally drifts off, everything felt better with her around.

My mind had almost forgotten about the same things that plagued it at the beginning of tour months ago. I had spent my free time of days scrolling endlessly on my phone to see what could happen in the world of my career, trying to move paths and try something new. My mind was made up, thinking if I switched gears and went back to acting, some sort of void that my mind created would be filled again. I thought that I had put myself in a box with my career, and it was stunting me, filling my head with doubts. I wondered what was going to happen when the day comes and a crowd won't be shouting my name anymore, when the melodies don't come as easily, and maybe the words I've been putting to paper now turn to overused cliché phrases that sound better in my head than aloud. 

The void that my head was creating continued to grow, and finding an outlet seemed like the only way to solve it. I auditioned for three roles in a row, getting turned down from each one and told someone better came along. The void slowly taking a new head, forming into something that made me feel like I was unloved and untalented. I started counting in my head the days when I'll be washed up and no one will remember my name anymore. The circuit of has-beens being the only thing that calls to me, the mass of love I once had being a distant memory.

I thought I needed it. I thought I needed the constant approval and praise that I got from fans, but I was wrong. I was so naïve to think the only way my heart could fix itself was with an adoring mass of affection. I didn't need it. Turns out, I only needed one person, and she fell into my lap on accident thanks to Mitch calling in a favor.

The gleam of my rings beaconed my mind back to reality, seeing colorful posters bobbing in the crowd while Lloyd dances about in front of the balcony snapping quick shots. The candid's he always manages to get between songs and before the set are my favorite, but of course he works through the entire event taking shots of everyone and everything. The concentrating thoughts of mingling with fans, the backlit instrumental shots, dancing shots with the group, and all the memories in between that he never fails to put into a captured moment. 

After earlier today, Elle surprised me the most by saying fuck it and just beating the allegations of following me around. Is she my girlfriend? Not yet. But that won't stop the fans from saying anything and everything they want. That meant Elle was finally deciding to be over paying attention to it. No longer was Elle the girl at barricade that stared up at me with adoration in her eyes, but now it seemed like a new feeling was replacing it. Tonight she stood stationed next to the stage, a shroud of darkness covering over her from the fans view as much as possible. 

Lloyd checked in with her once or twice that I already saw, which looked like it calmed her from any rise of nerves. I had tried my own to not pay too much attention to her, instead focusing on the crowd, just to alleviate more of any unnecessary comments that might arise later. 

My in-ear held a constant beat, reminding me to stay on time and keep up with the music before falling behind, daydreams of the beautiful woman to my left who just today admitted her feelings for me.