Taste (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 67

ELOISE DUPONT

The airport was silent in the hushed way only early morning could manage, golden light beginning to spill between windows that lined the hallway, most people sleeping in chairs while waiting for flights, or drowning in coffee while typing away at laptops.

I drug my feet, the lazy way because of how exhausted I felt. Ricky pushed a cart that housed all our suitcases and bags, Jade typing away on her phone silently with oversized shades on. She juggled her own coffee in hand, never spilling a drop while weaving between bodies and leading us to the exit.

My coffee was empty, I continued to grip the cup with a nervous palm though. I hoped it would somehow refill itself, giving me something to keep busy with. My fingertips still tingled with the memory of brushing curls off Harry's forehead this morning. The memory danced behind my eyes every time I shut them, fingers trailing the soft curve of his cheek before a soft kiss to his forehead. It felt like I was saying goodbye to a ghost instead of a man who made me feel more alive than anyone ever had.

I didn't wake him. I just couldn't.

The weight of what it might mean, to watch his eyes flutter open, to see the early morning confusion transform to sadness as I whisper that it was time to go. It felt like it was going to be too much.

It was cowardly, I knew that, but it was also all I could manage. Instead, I left him a note.

A small, folded square of paper sat on the nightstand beside his phone. The ink was smudged in one corner, a reminder that it was quick, a fleeting moment that I felt had to be captured. Five reasons I loved him. Five of hundreds. Five I hoped he'd cling to while the ocean stretched out between us and everything that came next started unfolding without a script.

The air of New York greeted me as if I had been gone with eternity. The city didn't care that it was still the early hours, it was full of life with the sounds of a busy day already unfolding. New York didn't know I felt any different than the day I left though. It greeted me in a rush of movement and noise that left me dizzy after weeks of slow mornings and hotel windows in softer time zones. The city was the same and completely different, as if my absence had allowed it to shift in ways too subtle to notice until I was standing inside it again, disoriented and slightly out of step. The city felt too busy. Too much almost.

Ricky had hailed his own cab from the airport to pick up Tucker, but Jade stayed by my side. Maybe she could sense the way I felt off, because maybe she felt it too. Jade seemed to love the way the rest of the world operated, but she also was the type to flourish in the busy bustle of the city.

Wasn't I the same way?

As we climbed the stairs to my loft, the bags felt heavier. Maybe this was me feeling like I was coming home, or the way my body was rejecting that New York was home. No matter what it was, I didn't like it. "You okay?" Jade asked, pausing as I fiddled with the key at the lock.

Instinctually, I hesitated. "Today has been a lot. Emotionally I mean. I think... I'm scared this is the end of something. Not just tour. Something bigger. Like... Harry and me. I'm home now, I have to face my real life again, and I just feel like while I was away it was easier to play pretend and play house or whatever."

Jade made a sound that was half-scoff, half-affectionate grunt. "Don't be dramatic."

"I'm not," I said softly. "It was too perfect. Like gold."

"And?"

"Sometimes, gold tarnishes."

Jade rolled her eyes, her voice light but fierce. "Team Hell is eternal. It's literally in the name. Hell doesn't tarnish, it sets things on fire. You guys instead have one of those blazing intensity type loves that other people can be jealous of."