WHERE TO NOW? (M/M) 18+

Chapter 35

Three Weeks of Torment.

It's been three weeks now. Three weeks since I've seen his chocolate brown eyes and golden honeycomb swirls in the firelight. Everyday I find myself shocked by it, the revelation. My mind refuses to believe it, like I'm delusional or dreaming. And quite frankly, I'd prefer that over this torture. I'd rather be mad.

I sit here wondering where he is, where his mind has drifted off too. Can he hear me where he is? Can he hear how much I beg for him to come back? I hope he can.

All of this is my fault. I know that. And it is a painful pill to swallow. If I hadn't gone looking for him, if I'd just given him the space I knew he wanted, he'd still be with me right now and—

"Sam?" Kieran's voice sounded quietly from the doorway behind me.

I lifted my head off of the bed, glancing back at him.

"Take a break, you've been in here for hours" he said warmly, with an attentive smile.

I hummed, wiping my sleeve over my damp cheek and letting my pencil fall in between the pages before I stood, and followed him out.

I closed the door behind me, looking at him as I made my way past.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly.

I sniffed, wiping at my eyes. "Yeah, just one of those days"

He nodded, wrapping his arms around me.

I sank into him, letting his spicy musk wrap around me as I buried my face in his chest. I gripped his shirt in my fist, screaming at myself to keep the tears from falling.

My chest yearned to cry it out, to do what I did almost every night since that day, but Kieran was right, I needed a distraction.

I let him go, pulling back and looking up at him. "Thanks" I said softly.

He only nodded, "go get some breakfast, I'll be down in a minute"

I didn't say anything else, I only smiled weakly at him before walking down the hallway.

It was a narrow space, with a built-in seat under the window to my left that I'd spent a lot of time on as of late. I didn't like this hallway, it was creepy at night with its floral pink peeling wallpaper. The colour had faded, now with the evidence of time.

There were a few rooms up here. Their white doors left wide open as if to display the way the others had claimed them. Messy is what I'd call it.

I let my hand run along the white wainscoting as I walked, feeling the indents of the wood panelling against my fingers before lifting my arm higher and letting my hand graze along the wallpaper. Crisp pieces of pink fell from my fingers, snapping and floating onto the floorboards behind me.

My hand slid down the oak bannister as I made my way downstairs. Skylar and the others were in the living room, Daz was reading to the children by the fire while Skylar was on the couch against the front window, reading quietly to herself.

I didn't feel anything when I looked at them, not really, not anymore. I felt numb just like I had since we'd arrived here. Nothing seemed to bring me enjoyment like it used to, not even my sketches.

I turned on my heel around the bannister, walking alongside the staircase and into the kitchen. Through the archway, I was greeted with light shining in through the windows on my right. A round dining table was nestled under the windows in the corner, and the back door bathed a warmth over my legs with the morning sun. I walked towards it, my eyes blurring the white timber and oval screen, focusing on the field beyond.