WHERE TO NOW? (M/M) 18+

Chapter 37

Grief is a fickle thing.

When Kieran told me that he was awake my heart fluttered and stopped all at once, but by the time I got to his room, it felt close to bursting through my chest.

Seeing his chocolate eyes again, the eyes I'd missed every day for the last three weeks looking back at me, swirled something deep within me. Guilt, pain, relief. A whirlwind of emotions that I didn't know how to manage.

His initial surprise had melted into a look of pure relief, one that twisted my heart into knots as his shoulders slumped back, though after a moment his eyes still washed over me, searching for any sign of damage. Even while he was in such a weak state he was still looking out for me, and I couldn't stop the swelling in my chest.

He was exactly the same.

My heart pounded in my chest when I first saw him, overcome with emotions. But I was frozen, unable to move as I stared into his eyes.

I wanted to kiss him right there, to stomp across the room and close the distance between us, but I couldn't

When his lips brushed my own, it took everything inside of me not to lean down and kiss him. He breathed so deeply, his shoulders melting into me like a relief had washed over him as I held him in my arms. His warm arms were wrapped so tightly around me, and I could feel deep within myself that he had grief he was silently mending as he held me, the same way I was. He needed it the same way I did.

Looking at Damien now, I couldn't help but remember the relief I'd seen in his eyes when he woke up. The way his eyebrows pinched together as he studied me.

I didn't understand his relief. Was it because I left the van? I mean, he was asleep when I got back. Damn that felt like a lifetime ago.

Sitting beside him now, I studied his furrowed brow as he slept propped up against three soft pillows, and I wondered what he was dreaming about. Was it the same from when I asked last time or was it different?

I brushed the hair from his forehead gently, attempting not to wake him.

Would he be surprised to find me right next to him with his arm draped around me? Yeah, probably.

He didn't know I was here. I may have slinked in beside him after Kieran left and hadn't moved for the last two hours.

I stared at him, willing him to wake up again and show me those pretty eyes. Though at the same time I wanted him to rest, to heal.

I decided to get up and bring him some water for when he woke. Maybe some real food too. I think he'd like that. He must have been starving. Kierans mushed up dinners had been enough to keep him alive while he was unconscious but if he was going to get back to himself then he'd need something more substantial.

I climbed out of bed, being careful not to knock or bump him awake before making my way downstairs to the kitchen where Kieran and Skylar were sitting at the dining table.

Their eyes turned to me when I entered, and Kieran's face lit up like a Christmas tree as he twisted, leaning back in his chair to include me.

"Chipper I see," he smiled.

I nodded, smiling at him, but I couldn't help but notice the look on Skylar's face.

When I walked into the room, her face dropped. The kind of way one does when they're talking about you behind your back.

It bothered me that I was a topic of conversation that I wasn't privy to. But ya know what, it didn't matter. Let's just forget about it, it was probably just about Damien and I anyways, and how things have—