WHERE TO NOW? (M/M) 18+

Chapter 42

I'm releasing 2 chapters early as my gift to you for being so supportive.

Merry Christmas everybody❤️

---

Damien.

I woke up early again, frustrating considering how late I stayed up last night. Sleep didn't come easy to me anymore. Ever since meeting this wretched group my sleep had been shot to shit.

I used to be able to sleep anywhere, under bridges, under cars, it didn't matter. Now I'd be lucky to get a few hours.

The pain in my back was unrelenting this morning, and I winced as I pulled on a t-shirt, my body flinching as the fabric grazed against my skin.

Why hadn't it healed yet?

I had checked it in the mirror last night before showering, and it looked fine. I knew I'd been leaning on it more than I should, but frankly, I didn't care.

When Samuel had asked if it hurt, I lied and said it didn't. In truth, my back was aching, the pain searing through me. But I didn't want him to worry about it.

I knew he was bothered by it, that he blamed himself; I heard it in the quiet and pained apology he gave me, the tension in his shoulders and the look in his eyes when he'd asked about it, but it wasn't his fault. If I had to go through it all again, I would do it all ten times over.

The wound itself didn't really bother me; I'd racked up plenty of injuries during my time on the outside. I'd learned a long time ago that out here, in the shit, there was no room for whining-just grit your teeth and keep moving, but what annoyed me was how deeply it unsettled Samuel. Each worried glance he shot my way felt like a weight on my shoulders, reminding me that my pain affected him more than it should. I hated that my struggles were clouding his mind, making him feel responsible when I was the one who had made the reckless choices that led to this mess. It was infuriating, this blend of guilt and gratitude I felt for his concern, and all I wanted was to take away the burden he was carrying so he could concentrate on staying alive-just as I intended to do.

My eyes drifted to the side, peering out of the bay window into the field beyond. The morning glow lit the dying grass so beautifully and I wondered, if Sam saw this, would he think the same?

My head fell back, my eyes craning up to the ceiling where they fell closed with a heavy sigh.

I needed to apologise to him, to explain what happened in the shower properly and maybe if I was lucky, I could ease some of his worries along with it.

I made my way out of my room, realising the others were already awake rustling around downstairs. The sound of their loud, incessant chatter was aggravating already. The happiness, revolting. I wasn't used to all the noise, I missed the quiet, the sound of critters scuttling and trees swaying. The ability to think without interruption. I missed those days when I was alone.

My eyes absentmindedly drifted over to Samuel's door.

Vivid memories of last night flashed in my mind, and the disgust pooled inside my stomach once again. Sure, I couldn't help but overhear, but getting off to the sounds of him right outside his door? What kind of creep was I?

Each muffled groan echoed in my mind, sending a wave of shame coursing through me.

God, I wished desperately for it all to just stop-the heightened senses, the unwanted desires. Every sound felt like an invasion, a constant reminder that I was no longer myself.

I slowed when I reached his door, hesitant to make my presence known. But I gritted my teeth, and knocked softly on the wood.

Soft, hollow echoes filled the air around me, lingering down the hallway like a distant memory, cloudy, and shrouded in mist, teetering on the edge of my recollection. I heard nothing on the other side of the door, the empty silence deafening me. It made me wonder if he was even inside, maybe he'd already woken up and went downstairs.