Roadtrip // Kubokai

Apology

That night felt like the worst few hours of his life. Kuboyasu not only couldn't sleep, but he was also trying not to burst into tears. Weak and desperate, he just wanted to know if his boyfriend wasn't going to break up with him.

On the other hand, he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer. That's why one part of him was glad that he stayed awake. This way the morning didn't come as fast and he had time to think about rights words to use.

After all his trying, he wasn't just going to give up. He knew he acted like a fool, and now he had to find a good way to fix his mistakes.

But sooner or later the sun had to rise, and it finally did. Those delicate rays slowly lightened up the room. As in every hotel to ever exist, curtains could never fully cover the windows, and Shun who was already hysterical yesterday, didn't even bother to try to touch them. He knew it wouldn't end up very well.

Waking up in the morning, the first thing he thought about was regretting not even trying to curtain those windows. Then his head felt heavy and hard. The pain was unbearable, although he didn't even move an inch on his bed. His eyes hurt as well. He imagined them being all red and swollen. Kaidou finally decided to open his eyes. Seeing Aren on the other side of the room, watching him sleep from his bed wasn't a pleasant thing to see. He immediately tuned away to the wall.

He wasn't sure what to do now. He couldn't just stay like this forever, but also wasn't sure if Kuboyasu was going to move first. Waiting for him was just a waste of time. Instead, he just decided to ignore him and go to the bathroom.

Once he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he felt tears coming back again. He bit his bottom lip and looked up at the ceiling, wishing for this whole situation to just figure out itself.

He was still hurt. With the last piece of hope in his heart he begged some higher beings to make Aren regret what he said, and apologize. In fact, he was so desperate to just end the situation he was ready to say sorry first, but his mind was telling him to let the situation grow and see, if Kuboyasu cared at all.

The truth was, he didn't want to know the answer. The thing he was most afraid of was no explanation. The way it all could possibly just end up like this. He couldn't handle even thinking of something like that.

Shun finished cleaning and preparing his face for the day, and when he reached for the handle to open the door, just to see his hands were shaking like crazy. He took a deep breath and just did it.

Aren was still sitting on his bed, but his head immediately went up when he heard the door opening. Firstly, he wanted to smile, but it felt inappropriate so instead he just raised his eyebrows, like he was about to say something.

Kaidou sat on his bed and pretended to check something on his phone. Kuboyasu decided it would be the right moment. He stood up and took a step forward. Instead of sitting next to his boyfriend he went down. On his knees. He lowered his head so Kaidou didn't have to look at (as he thought) this pathetic face, so shameful.

"I honestly don't even know what to say in this situation. But I'm really, deeply, sorry. I know it's not enough, not even a thousand of apologies. I fucked up completely, and I won't blame you for breaking up with me. I understand who I am, and I get that I'm not made for all this dating. But even though, I still care about you, like no one else in this world and I can't imagine what pain did you have to go through yesterday" tears were falling down his cheeks. He was trembling, while Kaidou was too stunned to move or even breathe deeply "I'm having a rough time now, and I see how I can barely control myself lately, but even this isn't an excuse for what I've done. I can promise you I'll work on myself, and I'll never lie to you like this, or betray you, or disrespect you in any other way, but honestly, I get it if you don't want to trust me" he finally looked at Kaidou, and if a shaky voice, he whispered "I don't even think I can trust myself"