The babysitter

Thoughts

Lucy sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, staring at the steam as it curled into the air. The house was quiet, a rare occurrence lately, with Emma down for her nap and Tim running errands. She should've been studying—her textbook was open in front of her, and her notebook sat ready—but her thoughts kept drifting.

The question had been gnawing at her for weeks: Can I keep doing this?

Being Emma's babysitter had been more than just a job. It was a bond, a connection she cherished deeply. Emma wasn't just a little girl she looked after—she was family, in every way that mattered. But balancing the demands of the police academy with caring for Emma was taking its toll.

Lucy sighed and leaned back in her chair. She'd been running herself ragged, and it was starting to show. The instructors at the academy had even commented on her fatigue. And Emma... sweet, sensitive Emma, who had already been through so much, was picking up on Lucy's stress.

Tim walked in just as Lucy was clearing her untouched tea.

"You okay?" he asked, setting a bag of groceries on the counter.

Lucy gave a half-smile. "Yeah, just tired."

Tim eyed her carefully. "You've been saying that a lot lately. What's going on?"

Lucy hesitated. Tim always had a way of seeing right through her. "I've been thinking..."

Tim leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. "About?"

Lucy took a deep breath. "About quitting as Emma's babysitter."

The words hung in the air, heavy and uncomfortable.

Tim's brow furrowed. "What? Why?"

"I love Emma, you know I do," Lucy said quickly. "But with the academy, the physical training, the studying... I feel like I'm failing her. I'm stretched so thin that I'm not giving her the attention she deserves."

Tim was quiet for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he said, "You're not failing her, Lucy. She adores you."

"I know," Lucy replied, her voice cracking. "And that's what makes this so hard. But Emma needs stability, and I can't give her that right now. I'm barely holding it together as it is."

Later that afternoon, Emma woke from her nap and padded into the living room, clutching her favorite stuffed bunny.

"Lucie," she said sleepily, climbing into Lucy's lap.

"Hey, Em," Lucy said, wrapping her arms around her.

"Are you sad?" Emma asked, her big eyes studying Lucy's face.

Lucy smiled softly. "A little. But I'm okay."

Emma frowned. "Why sad?"

Lucy hesitated, unsure how to explain. "Sometimes grown-ups have to make hard choices, Em. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means they want what's best for you."

Emma tilted her head, clearly confused. "You love me?"

"Of course I do," Lucy said, her heart aching. "I love you so much."

That night, Lucy sat on the couch with Kojo at her feet, going over her options in her head. She didn't want to leave Emma—just the thought of it made her chest tighten—but she couldn't ignore the reality of her situation.

Tim joined her after Emma went to bed, handing her a cup of tea.

"I've been thinking about what you said," he began, sitting beside her.

Lucy braced herself for an argument, but Tim's expression was gentle.

"I get it," he said. "You've got a lot on your plate, and it's not fair for anyone to expect you to handle everything. But before you make a decision, just know... Emma's happier with you here than she's ever been. And I know that's not something to take lightly."

Lucy nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "I know. That's why this is so hard."

Tim put a hand on her shoulder. "Whatever you decide, I'll support you. Just... don't rush into anything, okay? Take some time to think it through."

The next day, Lucy tried to focus on her academy work, but her mind kept wandering. During a break, she found herself scrolling through photos on her phone—pictures of her and Emma baking cookies, playing at the park, reading bedtime stories.

She smiled at a photo of Emma grinning with flour on her cheeks, holding up a misshapen cookie. How can I walk away from this?

But then she thought about the sleepless nights, the constant juggling, the fear of not being enough for Emma or her academy work. The guilt of being pulled in two directions was eating her alive.

That evening, Lucy sat down with Tim after Emma was asleep.

"I've been thinking about what you said," she began.

Tim nodded, his face open and attentive.

"I'm not ready to make a decision yet," Lucy admitted. "But I think you're right—I need to really think this through. Not just for Emma, but for myself too."

Tim smiled. "That's all I can ask."

As Lucy got ready for bed that night, she felt a little lighter. The decision wasn't made, but at least she was giving herself the time and space to figure out what was truly best for everyone involved.