Disturbed Dawns //h.s

Half A Heart

Harry

All I could think about was Terra. Her hair, her voice, her laugh. I wanted to be with her, see her, touch her. The last image I had of her was her smiling and waving goodbye to me on the street. And so far, my favorite memory of us was the night before I left that weekend. Groaning I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes.

I had to go to sleep. I had been up since nearly six a.m that morning and tomorrow would be another earlier start. Once I started thinking about Terra though, it was always hard to get her out of my mind.

The near weekend I spent with her took so many unexpected turns. It started off with the usual, we can't tell the fans we're together in the grocery store and escalated to an entire scandal about us. I could still see the look in her face when she saw those pictures of us circling. My stomach twisted into knots thinking about how the paparazzi had mobbed us. She was so freaked out she cried.

I never wanted that to happen to her. I didn't know what to say after it either. I couldn't tell her to get used to it because that's not an appropriate answer and I couldn't tell her it would never happen again because that was a lie. Sighing I rolled back onto my back, staring at the ceiling. I had a better understanding now of why she wanted to wear that disguise when they were first outside the hotel.

At first I was upset. I knew she didn't want to be seen with me but I could have gone and met with the paparazzi, distracted them and when Terra had slipped by unnoticed, just follow her inside. Instead, she wanted to disguise herself. She probably thought they would recognize her despite there not being clear enough photos of us out at that point.

As far as I could tell, management buried her. There were still photos of us but they were grainy and you could barely make out the people in it. It made me kind of angry that they covered Terra and I up with more lies about Caroline and I. She was nice and all but not my type.

Shaking my head, I turned my thoughts away from Caroline and all the bad experiences that happened on my last visit to Los Angeles. Instead, I focused on the good. Our trip to the beach, our boat ride, the concert. I smiled a little remembering how bold she had been the last couple of times I went out to visit.

I knew she was still a little iffy on some things when it came to where I could touch her and I had gotten used to asking for her permission to do things. She got so irritated one night with me though that she just slipped her shirt off before I could ask. I remembered how her skin had been so incredibly soft.

I still couldn't believe that we had sex either. It came as a complete surprise to me. I wondered afterwards if she had been planning for it, preparing herself. She had color coordinated her underwear so that was my first sign that it was premeditated but I wondered for how long. I never asked. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Being with her that night meant more to me than she probably knows. I've always felt like there was this level of uncomfortable I couldn't  cross over because of what she had been through. I didn't want to say or do anything wrong that would make her to trust me anymore. I wanted her to feel safe with me. When she asked to have sex with me, I thought I heard wrong. Then I thought it was a dream. I couldn't believe she had so much faith and trust in me. We hadn't even been together for a year yet.

My heart was on the verge of bursting. I wanted to see her so badly and the fact that I couldn't because our tour was starting soon made me want to die. I wish I could have stayed with her longer but I was passing off management. By always going out to see her. She was my girlfriend and I had the money to see her. I wasn't going to miss a single opportunity to be with her.